This is my very own Vagina Monologue. It is an entirely true story from my own life. I hope you can get a laugh out of it and maybe even learn something. This is a story that I've been sitting on for some time. After seeing Ottawa's performance of The Vagina Monologues at the Bronson Centre last night, I feel like I need to share it.
I was 15 when we started dating. He was 17 and the first man I willingly had sex with. I didn't know it at the time, but we would go on to see each other on an off for 4 and a half years, finally parting ways permanently when I was 19. He was the one who I began learning about sex from. I wish I had known what a bad teacher he was, but when compared to my Catholic High School Phys-ed teacher, he seemed like a guru.
One day we were hanging out with another couple and we came across some graffiti of a naked lady. Now, don't picture a pinup girl. We're talking green spray paint, and only green spray paint. This green woman was comparable to a Ziggy cartoon character. The other 3 found this picture incredibly amusing. As elementary as it seemed, the artist, if you could call them that, had drawn a little bauble for a clitoris. I didn't understand. I had only ever heard the word "clitoris" before and I had never bothered to look it up. My confusion got the better of me - I had to ask. My boyfriend became extremely embarrassed. My own naivety showed that I was not the only one who didn't know where my clitoris was.
I had realized that there were many blanks left to fill from my so-called sex education. The Catholic School system had failed me miserably. (I was having uninformed, unprotected sex at age 15. The schools could have at least taught us about condoms. Sure, I knew they existed - but did I know how they work? No. And you can safely assume that my partners, as a young teenager, took advantage of my miseducation) I took it upon myself to read up on and experience everything I could so that I would know and understand what I was doing and what was being done to me. I explored partner sex to a degree that most people didn't even fathom of, but I never explored my vagina or masturbation.
Let's skip ahead to when I was 17. A close girl friend has become open about her masturbating habits. She gives herself amazing orgasms and she wants to share with me. Why? -Because I don't masturbate. I don't just say this out of shame. I still don't know where my clitoris is, rather, I'm convinced I don't have one. I still refuse to experiment with masturbation, although I had become a very liberal sexual being when it came to my partners.
It was during an impromptu orgy with some of my friends that I finally found my clit. It was not an amazing moment of clarity or realization; and it was not a surprise orgasm. No. I asked one of the other girls to look because I couldn't find it and I didn't think I had one. She was a stripper at a local bar and for some reason I thought that this made her a qualified candidate for clitoral spelunking. After about 3 or 4 minutes of her poking and prodding at my splayed vagina with her dangerous fake nails she found it. "Holy Shit!" She said "It's tiny! You almost don't have one." She showed me where my dwarf of a sex organ was. In time I began to hone a masturbating technique to coax orgasms out of myself.
This was not an overnight sensation. It took months and months. One day I finally bought a vibrator and I was hooked. I was a woman empowered, I no longer needed my "liberal" sexuality or even a partner at all.
The on/off boyfriend and I got back together again after several months separation. It had turned out in that time that someone else had taught him about clitoral stimulation. The sex between he and I was suddenly phenomenal, it was just too bad that by this point the only interest we had in one another was sexual. He and I don't speak anymore. My clit and I, however, are the best of friends. Last time I checked, the green lady was still where we left her, clitoris intact.
The Vagina Monologues will be performed again this evening at The Bronson Centre in honour of V day. All proceeds are going towards ending violence against women via the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Ottawa. This is a cause close to my heart. Please show your support! http://www.ottawavday.ca/
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