Is this what 6am is for?

Molson Dry 8.5 goes down like water to me.

I like to blame (or accredit) my French-Canadian heritage for this but I know other Francos who can't handle the stuff.
Maybe I'm just dirty.

I'm sure that when you imagine the personal life of a burlesque performer you don't envision a girl sitting on her couch in a dirty wife-beater at 6am, swilling from a 40.

But this is who I am, or rather, where I am.

I can't sleep tonight. I say it's for a multitude of reasons, but the simple fact is that I am packing up my life and moving again. A mere four months after the last time I relocated.

I hate moving, but I love packing. At least, I usually do.

There's something very zen about taking the time and care to properly arrange one's belongings in a box like Tetris pieces. Everything in its place. It's almost poetic how my eclectic collection of souvenirs and evidence of a life lived fit together perfectly, erotically. Like a couple meant to be together; Like falling asleep inside of the one you love.

When something doesn't fit, I wonder if it even belongs in my life.

I am pack-rat living the life of a hermit crab; A nomad in desperation of belonging

I've been putting off packing. I fear it won't offer me the serenity it usually does. I know that I need to rid myself of a lot of my belongings before I can move again - but I can't bring myself to part with many of them.

I have a small stack of books resting carefully on my headboard: Unmarketable, Dandy in the Underworld, Portrait of Dorian Grey and The Elements of Style.

I have started all of them, nearly finished a couple and have fully skimmed through one. Each having its own meaning to me. Why else would I have 4 books on standby? These books fit neatly in a stack on my headboard, but I can't bear the thought of cramming them in to a box.

What if they don't fit neatly, perfectly?

What if these 4 books aren't the interpretive summation of myself that I have deemed them to be?

What if I go back and I still don't belong?

I can't get Molson 8.5 in Ottawa.