The View from Veronica's Closet

This is no modern romance

2010-07-12T00:11:00.002-04:00

Imagine screaming at the top of your lungs in a fit of absolute desperation.
All you want is help.
Nay, you don't want it, you need it.
You've no clue how to get out of this alive. You can't do it on your own.
So you scream.
But nobody can hear you.
Your head is under water.

I have drowned.

Well, I have nearly drowned, if you want to get technical.

The chlorine burned in my lungs and the sun stung my eyes as I miraculously surfaced - on my own. Nobody has ever swam so hard as I did. Good thing, too. Nobody else was going to save me.

The sun and chlorine weren't the only things that stung my eyes.

I was crying.

And still nobody came.

I've never forgotten what it feels like to drown.

One Hundred

2010-06-02T10:20:00.002-04:00

Usually framed by black acrylic, his eyes seem naked in contacts.
As much as I hate to admit it, he never needed corrective eyewear to see through me.

The gentle vibrations of his baritone whisper recite cryptic vulgarities that send shivers from the conch of my ear to the arch of my foot.

My skin crawls with lust and loathing.

I want to be far away from him, but his eyes, the eyes that always gave away his lies, keep me from walking away.

Without the distracting frames, it's easier to see inside.

His mind reads like the diary of a heartbroken teenage girl.

And as he stirs his morning coffee, a facsimile of my morning-after coffee, I tell him about you.

He laughs.

Not at me for loving you, but at you for thinking that me loving you was something to fear.

The art of extinguishing a cigarette

2010-05-18T01:39:00.004-04:00

Aftershave and imagination.

That's what his sweater used to smell like.

I wear it like a hug, and I am okay.

He's not around anymore, but I keep his sweater safe.

It smells like me now.

Like stale cigarettes, spilt beer, and, if only faintly, nondescript tropical fruit.

A single sensual draw off of an already spent cigarettes.

burnt lips.

the calculated twist of her ankle, as the cherry dies delicately under her shoe.

a shoe that was designed only to be worn while her legs are in the air.

She heeds not such a warning.

I can't get the smell of your pipe tobacco out of my favourite towel, so I don't use it.

Dirty blonde with a kiss of ginger. You are the only one who loves my natural hair colour.

If I had any patience left, I might grow it out.

I lost it, trying to love you.

Instant gratification is readily available in a variety of colours.

I am perpetually dressed for a funeral.

You don't kiss a one-night-stand goodbye in the morning.

2010-04-24T17:49:00.003-04:00

He watched me as a slid my miraculously unripped stockings back up my legs and slipped on last night's high heels, one by one.

What had I done, and, more importantly, where exactly was I?

I felt uneasy as I slipped my dress over my head, and even a little queasy as I scanned my purse and took a mental inventory, checking that I'd not lost anything.

He walked me to the door and I kissed him goodbye.

After we had been dating for some time, I told him that I had intended for us to be a one-night stand.

He said, "Veronica, you don't kiss a one-night-stand goodbye in the morning.", and that he knew he'd make me his.

He turned the light on while I nervously searched for my panties. I tried desperately to hide how embarrassed I was.

Regret and shame are not in my repertoire of feelings, but in this moment of vulnerability, I was closer to both than I'd been in ages.

New Order's 'Bizzare Love Triangle' plays in my head as I tiptoe towards the door and think dreadfully to myself, "This is how my last relationship started. Shit!"

I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but I wasn't going to, until he asked.

So I did; Twice.

I'm not a fan of the one-night-stand. I rarely have them, and when I do, they tend to turn in to something more. But, there is something to be said for a successful one-night-stand. As a female, in the best case scenario, you leave feeling empowered and fulfilled. Worst case: regretful, sore and potentially pregnant.

Sometimes, the single girl's only logical solution to emotional trauma is to seek out a superficial facsimile of what love can be.

I think, tonight, I'll wear what my friend, Dave, calls "Come Fuck Me" boots.

Open Letter to Someone You Don't Know

2010-03-23T15:43:00.000-04:00

There are a lot of really nasty things I could say to you. And I want to, but I don't think it would be the first time someone called you any of the things I'm thinking. And I so passionately hate to be unoriginal.

If you hate drama so much, don't do maliciously selfish things that cause other people to react in dramatic ways.

Lucky for you, I have excellent impulse control and my reputation means more to me that hurting you ever could.

Luminescent Incandescence

2010-03-19T01:04:00.002-04:00

Your eyes don't shine in the suburbs.
No light is offered but that of dim, benign streetlights.
Their offerings don't shine bright enough to elicit a glow in your face.
The big city lights shine so aggressively that you can't help but sparkle under their flare.

I count crows.

One for sorrow...
Two for joy...

For the past two weeks I have been haunted by sightings of single crows, their somber solitude sends shivers down my spine.
I crane my neck and strain my eyes in search of a second, or even a third, to nix the omen of a lonely crow.
Never another in sight.
What could they be doing all alone, other than breaking my spirit and quashing my heart?
Have I fulfilled my own tragic prophecy?
The only thing that's keeping me from being happy is a circumstance I made for myself.
A decision I made, uncoerced.

Sometimes you have to hurt yourself to be able to grow.
It hurt.
It will continue to hurt.
But I will be better off when it stops hurting.

Today I saw two crows.

Tonight, under the lack of suburban light, I felt a presence that I could not see
And I heard the snow melting.

Il Parle Anglais, Snowman.

2010-02-19T03:45:00.007-05:00

The past four months have been an exercise in my own ability to withstand heartbreak. I have never felt more romanced in my life, and I don't think I've ever used the word 'romance' as much as I have in this time.

I want to say that living in Montreal has been a wonderful experience, but I'm unsure of whether or not I really lived here. I never changed my phone number, and although my bed has been here for the past 4 months, my heart has been elsewhere. I spent November, December and the first part of January living out of a suitcase. I actually spent 16 consecutive days without sleeping in my own bed. Was Montreal ever really home?

It was snowing today. It's still snowing now.

I decided to take a walk shortly after 3h (that's 3am, to everyone outside of Quebec). As soon as I stepped outside I knew that my feet were going to get wet. I hadn't the faintest notion that a late-night walk up St-Laurent would conjure up memories that are so recent they shouldn't have held such nostalgia.

As memories filled my head, slush filled up my shoes, making my thoughts tangible. Making them real.

I walked farther than I had planned, letting myself fall in to a bit of a trance, induced by the romance that swells the air in this fair city. I watched as cabs drove by, not slowing down to see if I could be a fare. They knew that I was walking with a purpose.

But was I, really? I left my apartment, restless, in search of a hot chocolate and some cheese to snack on. What I found was an urge to see if the bottle that had been thrown out the window at that raucous, tequila-fueled party was still on the sidewalk; A desire to allow the slush to penetrate my shoes and soak right through my socks, to chill me to the bone, to let me re-live a moment. A moment that was nothing more than a hiccough.

And after I had walked farther than I had intended to, but not as far as I wanted to, I turned around and walked against the one-way traffic.

I saw him again.
He spoke English.

If the snow outside were the sticky kind, I would build a snowman. For there is no greater company than a man that you've built to your own specifications, whose expiration date is unpredictable, but impending. The death of a snowman is a death that you are always prepared for.

I'm not sure if it's poetic, ironic, or just pathetic that I see great beauty and sadness in that I am leaving the most romantic place I've ever been at the same time that all the bonhomme-de-neiges are melting.

Ask Veronica: Extramarital Relations

2010-02-16T21:25:00.002-05:00

Dear Veronica,

I'm bi. Married to straight. I just came out a year ago to him. He encouraged my getting a girlfriend, and helped me in several ways (eg, setting up an online dating account for me and in meeting with a friend to explore her sexual interest in me). I suspect his zeal was due in part to a fantasy to participate in a threesome with me and my girlfriend, though he denies that motivation (mostly).

We have been together for 15 years. Married young. Still love each other very much. I had a secret fling with a woman several years ago, which I confessed to hubby when I came out to him. We also lived apart for a year about 10 years ago (me in Toronto, he in Halifax), and had been having marital troubles. I had a relationship with a man for 6 months of that year, which I also confessed. He has not confessed any extramarital relationships, though I truly believe he has had 1 or 2.

He has been generous, as he reminds me, in allowing me to explore outside the marriage with several women during the past year (since I came out to him). He would like to have a girlfriend now too, but I am having a very hard time with the concept. He says it will happen, b/c he would be a fool otherwise, so I should give my consent. I guess I'm scared shitless, and I can't rid myself of the images of him having sex with another woman (it makes my stomach hurt). Would it mean that my relationship with him is not as special? Would the other woman be 'better' than me? Would he do more fun things w/ her (our sex life is special, passionate, and super FANTASTIC - which leads to another question: why does he need someone else if his needs are met by me?) Would I reject him after he has sex with another, b/c of the images in my head? Would he compare our sex with their sex? Am I being an asshole by not being 'generous'? Is it different, my having a girlfriend vs him having a girlfriend?

SO CONFUSED AND UPSET. Need advice. Thank you!
TM

p.s. -- I have said 'yes' to some exploration: a threesome with my girlfriend, his exploration with a man (which he found he didn't enjoy), a play date with another couple, and a few visits to a 'swingers club'.

TM,

You seem to have a very touchy situation on your hands.

The impression that I'm getting is that he is resentful towards your extramarital relationships and has reached a point where he feels that he's being played a fool. I'm not sure if his motivation is that of revenge, curiosity or perhaps something else, but him telling you that "it's going to happen, you may as well give your consent." is not conducive to a healthy relationship. It sounds like he's been harbouring a lot of hurt and resentment towards you and this is how he wants to let it out, by settling the score. This is not fair to you, but it is something you will have to work through.

Generally, in my opinion, if you're going to be opening up your relationship, it's only fair for both partners to be allowed to experiment with others. However, from what you've said, you're only looking to have outside relationships with women. Obviously women are offering you something that your husband cannot. In that respect, it would only be fair for you to allow your husband to experiment with other partners who can offer him something that you can not (ie, a male partner, fetishes that are outside your boundaries, etc.). Where you draw the line of what activities he can pursue outside of your marriage is something you need to discuss together.

I think it's only fair that you concede to him experimenting with other partners, so long as you want to continue to do the same, but boundaries for each of you must be carefully discussed and implemented.

If you're truly uncomfortable with him having other partners, then it's not fair for you to have them. It would seem that this is something that has been bothering him for a long time and this is his way of dealing with it.

Tell him all the things you've told me, try to come to a decision together. Whatever you decide, what's important is that you are both happy and fulfilled, even if it means making sacrifices or going separate ways. I sincerely hope that you can reverse the damage that's been done to each other and figure out whatever arrangement you need to to continue on in your happy, fulfilling marriage.

Have a question or need advice on relationships, sex or sexual health? Email Veronica: ask.raw.knee@gmail.com

If I say I'm looking at a reflection in your glasses, it's to cover that I'm trying to peer in to your soul

2010-02-16T01:01:00.007-05:00

I will never forget the look in his eyes.

The way he tried to hide the full extent of his joy.

I wish I had looked a little closer at my own reflection in his oversized glasses. I think I had the same expression of glee, but I don't know for sure. I could feel my cheeks using a muscle that is reserved for the most joyous of smiles, I know I returned the sentiment in my own way, I just wish I knew what I looked like in that moment. I'm sure I have never looked happier.

It had been years since we'd spoken. Not that there was ever a falling out, but that it's not easy to maintain a friendship when living in different cities and coming from different generations. Yet we talked with the comfortable familiarity one would find between long-term lovers or close family.

It was nothing more than a chance encounter and nothing less than fateful. I fell asleep in his lap that night.

It is that look; the look he had when he saw me for the first time in years, that I've been dying to see again in someone (anyone) whom I care for. A look that gives me a feeling not of being needed, but of being fully appreciated and wanted.

I didn't realize until well after the fact (read: while writing this) that his look and the feeling that came with it were exactly what I was looking for when I opened the door of my basement apartment on December 26th, 2009.

The person on the other side of the door had an undeniable look of happiness, relief and whatever other emotions that came with being reunited with someone you love, but it was not the same.

It was not innocent.

The best sex toy cleaner

2010-02-13T16:32:00.004-05:00

I'm often asked what is the best way to clean your sex toys.

The answer isn't as simple as you might think. It really depends on what kind of toy you are talking about and what the surface is made of.

For the point of this post, I will be covering how to clean insertibles (butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, etc)

The best sanitizing method for pyrex or silicone toys that DO NOT have a motor or any electronic parts in them is to boil them. Make dildo soup once a month by throwing your toys in a pot of water, bringing it to a boil and letting them boil for about 5-10 minutes. Some sources will tell you to clean these toys in the dishwasher. I'd advise against it - the harsh soaps that you use to clean your dishes will leave residue on your toys that could cause you to have a bad reaction. I suppose you could run the dishwasher with nothing but your toys in it and refrain from using soap, but that would be a shameful waste of water!

Remember that only pyrex and silicone toys can be boiled. Latex/jelly and acrylic toys are not built to withstand those temperatures!

So, what to do with your cheaper toys and toys with motors? The thorough way of cleaning them is to use a warm, wet washcloth and unscented, anti-bacterial hand soap. Take the batteries out first and be very careful not to get water in the battery compartment. Most battery-operated toys are waterproof when used correctly, but that's no reason to be careless or submerge your toy under water.

What I usually recommend to everybody is to get some hand sanitizer and keep it with your toys for a quick cleanup after each use. Hand sanitizer is almost pure alcohol, it will kill 99.9% of the germs and bacteria on your toys (at least that's what the label says...); it dries quickly and is very handy for when you just want to roll over and go to sleep.

The only problem with hand sanitizer is that it's becoming increasingly difficult to find the straight-up alcohol kind. Make sure you use one that is not coloured, scented or containing vitamin E or aloe.

You may need to clean your toys, but you don't need to moisturize them.

Buttsex? But, sex!

2010-02-07T20:59:00.003-05:00

The following is another of one of the same questions I am constantly being asked. Although it may be a little redundant to keep answering them in my columns and blog, it's a question whose answer needs to remain visible and accessible.

How do the boyfriend and I go about anal without it hurting like hell? He really wants it but I don't want the pain.

Anal sex is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong.

Rule number one: LOTS OF LUBE. When it comes to anal, there is no such thing as too much lube.

Rule number two: RELAX. There are two sphincters in your lower colon. You have far more control over the one on the outside, let it be loose. The second will follow. Most people walk around at all times with their assholes clenched tight. This is not healthy! Learn to relax your butt.
I would never recommend having anal sex while drunk, especially not for the first time, but having a drink or two, and only a drink or two, could help loosen you up all over. This includes your inhibitions and your sphincters.

Rule number three: COMMUNICATION. Go slow. Verbalize your feelings to your partner. Whoever is on the bottom needs to be in control. The bottom needs to say exactly what feels good and what doesn't. They need to dictate the depth and speed of the penetration. The top needs to oblige the bottom for buttsexing to be successful.

Rule number four: CONDOMS. Bums are yucky. Also, the fragile anal tissue is more prone to tearing than vaginal tissue is. If you're doing it right, there shouldn't be any tears, but just in case - be safe! Broken skin on one's genitals is the easiest way to transfer an STI or STD. A condom will greatly prevent this possibility.

The best way to prepare or "train" yourself for anal sex is to stimulate the outside of your anus, either on your own or have a partner do it. Use lube and your fingers. When you're ready, slide a single finger in and get used to that feeling. Try using plugs and vibrators of varying size to get yourself used to having something a little larger up there.

Finally: Even though anal sex can be uncomfortable, it should never hurt. If it hurts, stop. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong. Don't let it stop you from trying again, though. It's possible that the person doing the penetrating has been blessed with a penis that is just too damn big to fit in your butt. Lucky you. Enjoy it where it actually fits.

Fare Well, My Love.

2010-02-06T02:16:00.003-05:00

I am the type of person who always has music on. It's not just for ambiance. I like to attentively listen to the heartbeat that is the bassline, the palpitations of the drums and the salacious sound of a human being using their voice as an instrument, turning poetry in to a whole new art.

I know, I know. I'm an artsy-fartsy sap.

Sometimes I get fixated on one song that, excuse the cliché, speaks to me.

Today it was "Four Letter Word" by Gossip.

After listening to it 19 times, according to my iTunes play count, I decided to press that handy little Genius button that creates a playlist for you.

Most Genius playlists are unimpressive and lackluster. This one, however, was so perfect that I listened to the whole thing without skipping a song and nearly cried at the end as The Kills' Black Balloon played. I'm not one to cry, ever. Bad girls don't cry.

This is my playlist.
Love it.
I do. More than I've loved anything in a long time.

Four Letter Word - Gossip
Tape Song - The Kills
Hold On - Hot Chip
Teeth - Lady Gaga
Taste In Men - Placebo
Heavy Cross - Gossip
Get Myself In To It - The Rapture
Feel The Love - Cut Copy
Front Row - Metric
Careless Whisper - Gossip
Of Moons, Birds and Monsters - MGMT
Jimmy - M.I.A.
Konichiwa, Bitches - Robyn
No Wow (MSTRKRFT Remix) - The Kills
Without You I'm Nothing - Placebo feat. David Bowie
In The Privacy Of Our Love - Hot Chip
The Bitter End - Placebo
Hearts On Fire - Cut Copy
Whoo! Alright-Yeah...Uh Huh - The Rapture
Man - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Pop Goes The World - Gossip
Where Is Home? - Bloc Party
Sex Bomb - Spinnerette
Nantes - Beirut
Black Balloon - The Kills

It is these last two songs that sum up the whole playlist and tug on my heart strings. If you're only going to look up 3 of these songs, please pick the first one and the last 2.

Your Dime, My time.

2010-02-03T03:27:00.005-05:00

Sexual confidence emanates with every click of a woman's high heel. Click, clack, click, clack. Heaven forbid she runs, delicately pounding out a Morse code mating call.

My own high-heel boots are clicking almost inaudibly over the music in my headphones as I walk down York Street in Ottawa. I'm walking an all-too-familiar stretch, Eastbound from The Dominion Tavern. If I hadn't known better, I'd have thought I was walking to my ex-boyfriend's apartment. For a moment, I forgot that his place was not my destination. In that moment, something shiny caught my eye.

A dime.

What a beautiful piece of Canadiana.

Dimes haven't always been significant to me, but for the past few years they have meant more than a stack of hundred dollar bills ever could. At this particular point in time, all you need to know is that, to me, finding a dime is a sign. It's rarely a warning, but a reminder that someone is watching over me. I tend to find them when I am uncertain about something. A job, a lover, a purchase, decisions big and small - the dimes guide me.

The dime on York Street, a rare occurrence thanks to the resident crackheads and panhandlers in that area, is an unignorable sign.

I pick up my shiny treasure and cut through a parking lot towards Rideau Street. I have no more business on York Street tonight.

Later in the evening, right before boarding a Greyhound back to Montreal, I drop some currency from my pocket. Of all the change that's been burning a hole in my coat for days - only two dimes fall to the ground.

Surely I'm making the right decision.

My high heeled boots are sitting by the door. I will put the on again tomorrow. I'm sure they'll be clicking a more confident tune than they have been for quite a while.

Is this what 6am is for?

2010-02-02T06:30:00.003-05:00

Molson Dry 8.5 goes down like water to me.

I like to blame (or accredit) my French-Canadian heritage for this but I know other Francos who can't handle the stuff.
Maybe I'm just dirty.

I'm sure that when you imagine the personal life of a burlesque performer you don't envision a girl sitting on her couch in a dirty wife-beater at 6am, swilling from a 40.

But this is who I am, or rather, where I am.

I can't sleep tonight. I say it's for a multitude of reasons, but the simple fact is that I am packing up my life and moving again. A mere four months after the last time I relocated.

I hate moving, but I love packing. At least, I usually do.

There's something very zen about taking the time and care to properly arrange one's belongings in a box like Tetris pieces. Everything in its place. It's almost poetic how my eclectic collection of souvenirs and evidence of a life lived fit together perfectly, erotically. Like a couple meant to be together; Like falling asleep inside of the one you love.

When something doesn't fit, I wonder if it even belongs in my life.

I am pack-rat living the life of a hermit crab; A nomad in desperation of belonging

I've been putting off packing. I fear it won't offer me the serenity it usually does. I know that I need to rid myself of a lot of my belongings before I can move again - but I can't bring myself to part with many of them.

I have a small stack of books resting carefully on my headboard: Unmarketable, Dandy in the Underworld, Portrait of Dorian Grey and The Elements of Style.

I have started all of them, nearly finished a couple and have fully skimmed through one. Each having its own meaning to me. Why else would I have 4 books on standby? These books fit neatly in a stack on my headboard, but I can't bear the thought of cramming them in to a box.

What if they don't fit neatly, perfectly?

What if these 4 books aren't the interpretive summation of myself that I have deemed them to be?

What if I go back and I still don't belong?

I can't get Molson 8.5 in Ottawa.

Breaking up is hard to do.

2010-01-27T23:04:00.006-05:00

I've always felt like a bit of a nomad.

Born in Halifax, raised in Ottawa and growing up with strong emotional ties to Montreal, I was never quite sure where I belonged.

When I was a child, my parents used to take my brother and I to Montreal about once a month to visit family. As a very depressed child who always craved something bigger and better than what I had, these visits to Montreal were my little getaway.

I would grab my pillow, my sony walkman (complete with my Dance Mix '95 cassette) and sit patiently in the back of my parents' Chrysler Intrepid, a car that would later be mine, for what felt like hours before we finally hit the highway eastbound to Montreal. If we go even further back, I remember doing this with a teddy bear and the Hyundai Stellar.

Montreal has always been a home to me. It felt warm, welcoming and full of a heritage I never fully understood and still don't, but will always claim ownership of.

When my father passed away and the Chrysler Intrepid finally became my own, trips to Montreal with friends became one of my favourite activities. Sometimes we'd plan them: we'd drink and smoke at Foufounes Electrique then stay in the cheapest motel we could find. Sometimes it would be as impulsive as "I want a real poutine.". and we'd find ourselves eating La Belle Province poutine at Club Supersexe, trying to stay awake. Sometimes we'd come down just for a show. T(i)NC, MSI, NoFX, etc - all fantastic reasons to escape Ottawa.

Even after giving up my car in favour of urban living, trips to Montreal remained part of my lifestyle.

By 2009, it was about damn time I took a chance and moved my entire life there.

I've been here for 3 months, and I must say that I have been very unhappy. I had taken for granted the leisure of being established in a community, of having favourite nightspots, of having my friends within arm's reach. I thought I wanted a new start, but what I needed was not a new start. It was a break. I've had a break and I want it all back. I love this city dearly, but I do not want to start all over and make new friends, develop a new network, start from scratch. None of it.

Ottawa exhausted me. It wore me out. Those who saw me on stage at Zombie Strippers, right before I moved, couldn't help but notice how burned out I looked. I could not perform. I needed a break.

Well, I've had it.

Montreal, I will miss your clear cream soda; your appropriately timed last call; your abundance of GOOD food; your cheap beer and your alluring exotica that is the French language.

But it's about time I head back to Ottawa - at least until I burn myself out again.

No, Woman, No Cry

2010-01-21T23:24:00.003-05:00

Nary a day goes by that I don't see a woman crying on the Métro.

I sometimes wonder why she is crying, but I think I know.

There's a man behind it.

When I see these women, I want to hug them - to tell them it's alright. But that would be weird. Approaching a crying stranger is always weird. The last time I did it was on an OC Transpo bus in Ottawa. She was happy that I asked if she was alright and she shot me a thankful smile, but just went on crying alone.

In retrospect it was very fearless of me to do so. A woman scorned is a dangerous thing. Interacting with one is about as safe as taking up residence beneath Mt. St. Helens (It's about time she blew again.).

If it weren't so dangerous, I would offer her my ipod, and tell her to listen to Lemonade by Tsunami Bomb.

A cute song at best, it's still a helpful little reminder that you're worth more than what whomever has made you cry had appraised you for.

Isn't that always the case?

And I Made Lemonade Out of it

2010-01-21T13:44:00.005-05:00

I've decided that this blog needs revival, but in a new format. Welcome to my personal life. It's sexy, it's exciting, it's humorous, but most of all, it's mediocre.

If you've followed my blogging over the years you will remember the years of personal exploration and expressions of heartbreak that I etched in to various webspaces. These blogs are all long gone. It wasn't easy. Deleting years of honest and heartfelt words was like taking a sandblaster to my heart, but it's something I felt I had to do.

Rockalily was in it's fledgeling year and my profile was rising in the Ottawa scene. Someone I didn't know recognized me on the street and tried to talk to me for the first time and it scared me as much as the first time I had sex. It was new, exciting - and it kind of hurt. I immediately made every effort I could to delete my personal life from the internet. Nobody needed to know that I had been raped, that my father had died, that my favourite fruit was avocados, that I peed my pants once when I was 16 or what my religious views are. More importantly, I didn't want anyone to know.

I spent another year building up a profile of the public-figure versions of myself, only to realize that I was a dumbass and didn't give myself a proper pseudonym. Perhaps it was my subconscious masturbating my ego; maybe I was entering into a habit of slow self-destruction, like smoking. All I know now is that in the long run, there has been no point to it. Everyone who cares about any aspect of my public life is aware of all of them. All that I'm left with is a confusion over which persona I am at which times.

The first time a journalist bothered to properly research me before interviewing me, I was flattered. The most recent time, I was flattered, but I kind of felt like my privacy had been invaded. I want to blame twitter.

Norma Jean was a fan of free association. She found it to be therapeutic. Long after her death, Playboy Magazine published a transcript of a recording of when the lovely miss Marilyn let her mind wander and her thoughts be free. That's how I know that she enjoyed enemas in a sexual context. Kinky!

I've always found it extremely difficult to fall in love with something that had the capacity to love me back. I love avocados, I love Montreal, I love Desperate housewives. These things could never possibly hurt me.

I don't have the capacity to be in love with a human being. There are many people whom I love, but I have not been in love in years. Even in an intimate situation, I have difficulty amalgamating my personalities in to one. Which one am I? Am I all them? They are all pieces of me, only exaggerated and often with fake eyelashes. Some of them can love, some of them can't. You can love my stage presence, but it's merely a facade. Loving her might garner you affection from a part of me you don't like.

Sounds fucking crazy, right?

Which kind of brings me back to where I started. I deleted all of my blogs. I didn't even save them for myself. Right now I would like nothing more than to look back on an entry I titled "The last person I let break my heart" I know what it was about, but my memory alone can not mimic re-reading my own words. It's not the same.

I've just spent the first 3 weeks of the year in a miserable relationship that I didn't want to let go of. I tried desperately to work it out, but he gave up, rendering my efforts futile. I'm not heartbroken. I feel more like I've been fired from a job because the business was closing. I sure hope I still get a good reference.

I am both sorry that I couldn't offer the totality of my love to him, and relieved that I didn't.

I'm sorry to myself that everything I do is "terribly public". Perhaps I could love someone if I felt that I had any privacy left.

But, I'm coming to terms with my lack of privacy. I put so much of myself in to my public personalities that I don't feel like a fake, but I don't feel like I should hide my thoughts and feelings anymore. Chances are that most people don't care, anyway.

So here it is. My heart on my sleeve.

When I started deleting everything, I stopped writing poetry. I recently started again, but haven't shared anything.

Here is a poem for you. Yes, you.

Tiny fists
the glitter in my peripheral
the tickle of a feather
the last drop of toothpaste
a bus ticket
I can fit it all in my pocket
for you to look at later
in our fortress made of books.

p.s. please don't tell anyone about the time I peed my pants. It was terribly embarassing.

Goodbye!

2009-12-28T12:56:00.001-05:00

I've decided that it's time for askrawknee.blogspot.com to come to an end. This may be temporary, but I can't make any promises at this point.

To my dedicated fans, I am truly sorry that my heart has not been in this blog for quite some time.

Between living in Montreal, being in a committed relationship and actively searching for more serious work as a writer, I feel I can't write about the Ottawa sex scene. I have not the time nor motivation.

If you are seeking advice, you can still email me via ask.raw.knee@blogspot.com and your questions will appear, with answers, in Veronica's Closet and/or my Examiner.com page - depending on the nature of your question.

I have a new blog with my roommate, Elli, all about vegan and vegetarian cooking and our veg lifestyle in Montreal: Two girls, a cat & no oven.

For updates from all my blogs and columns, become a fan of me on Facebook.

As for what's going on in Ottawa, Apartment613 is always here for you.

Thank you very much for your loyal readership. I hope you continue to follow my work. Don't be shy to drop me a line anytime!

Wishing you the best in the new decade,
Veronica Michelle

Zombie Sex (long lost q+a)

2009-10-18T12:31:00.001-04:00

Dear Veronica,
I am a heterosexual 32 year old female who has been happily married to my 38 year old husband for over 3 years. We've always had a satisfying sex life together but lately I've been bothered by a certain unfulfilled fantasy I've had for a long time. You see, Verotika, ever since I became sexually active as a teenager, I've had this overwhelming urge to re-enact a zombie scene in bed with my lover- make up and all, ripping chunks of flesh from each others hot bodies and then making love to him as he lies limp, pretending to be dead. The only problem, Verotika, is that I'm worried my husband, being a devout christian, may not be as turned on by this fantasy as I am. How do I go about bringing this up to him?
Thank You,
-Anonymous

You know what's coming up? My favorite holiday, Hallowe'en!! Usually Hallowe'en is an excuse to dress super slutty in public with little to no repricussions . This year, why not use it as a clever way to indulge your fantasy? Suggest to your husband that you both dress as zombies. Use liquid latex as fake skin, shredded clothes, fake blood, the whole 9. Once you get home from whatever your Hallowe'en celebrations might be, instigate sex. Be dominant, get on top.
The liquid latex "skin" should be fun to peel off at this point. At a later date, tell him how amazing the zombie sex was. (assuming it was) Perhaps now, as he's already pretty much gone through with it, he'll be willing to do it again for you. Good luck, you kinky freak.

The Blowjob Manifesto: part 4

2009-10-15T11:48:00.002-04:00

Gentlemen,

You're not being coy when you slowly and slyly put your penis close to a woman's face.

We know what you want and if we really wanted to do it we would go for it, no matter where your penis is.

Just sayin'. This tactic does work a lot of the time, I know - but would it work for women, too?

I think I'm going to see how nonchalantly I can put my vagina near someone's face the next time I want someone to go down on me.

I'll let you know how it works.

Electric Six's new NSFW video

2009-10-05T19:26:00.001-04:00

Electric Six "Body Shot" (2009) - NSFW 18+ from Another Reybee Productions, Inc. on Vimeo.

Montréal Burlesque Festival

2009-09-27T13:34:00.006-04:00

Last weekend, 5 of the Rockalily Burlesque dancers and myself ventured to Montréal for the First Annual Montréal International Burlesque Festival.

We performed a brand-new group routine (that will be seen in Ottawa at some point, we promise!) on Thursday Sept 17th as part of first show of the festival. After that we were free to enjoy the spectacle!

The weekend was a whirlwind of glitter, pasties, champagne, feathers and friendly faces.

Here's a little taste of our adventure

Koston Kreme and Jezabelle Jaymes have found a giant twister board!

Our performance at Concordia

Scarlett James

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

2009-08-27T17:24:00.001-04:00

Did anyone notice that I changed the name of my blog again?

It's long overdue that I make this announcement:

After spending most of my life, including my entire adult life thus far, in Ottawa, I have decided that it's time I try on a new city. On November 6th, 2009, I will be packing up and moving to Montreal.

I can't really blog about smut in the Capital city when I'm not there, can I?

To those of you who call yourselves my fans, thanks for your readership and loyalty! I'm not abandoning you entirely; Veronica's Closet, my column in Upfront Magazine, will continue to run as a Q+A column. Unfortunately, I will no longer be a voice for the Ottawa scene - but I'll still be helpful and witty... as much as I ever was, anyway.

This blog will also live on, with a bit of a new style. The posts will be more universal and I hope to write more personally.

I have big plans for Montreal and you can expect at least one or two posts on my grand adventures in what once was Canada's largest city and is now a mecca of kink, fetish, art and hedonism. (I think I'll fit right in!)

Oh, and just so you all know. I'll be back in Ottawa before you know it! The plan is to spend a year in la belle Province.

Those of you Ottawans who know or recognize me can see me in my usual hangouts for the next 2 months before I go. Come say hi! I don't bite... and for those of you who are Rockalily fans - just wait 'till you see what I've been working on for October 30th. Save the date! My last confirmed show with the burlesque ladies is going to be epic!

XOXO

RawKnee

Coffee Politics

2009-08-10T13:53:00.003-04:00

I'm used to hearing about the politics of coffee regarding the treatment and wages of the growers; the economics and unfairly high profit margins; and even the poor little teenagers who work in chain coffee shops as their first job, not knowing their rights, being treated like shit and subjected to constant 1st degree burns (sometimes worse!) ... but, the sexual politics of coffee. No way!

Well, folks, it seems that since opening up shop in the states, the Canadian capitalist coffee giant, Tim Hortons, has made a few enemies, at least among LGBTQ communities along the American North-East coast.

Tim Hortons has recently agreed to sponsor a rally in Rhode Island hosted by the National Organization for Marriage. NOM is leading campaigns to take away the right to same-sex civil union in several states.

What's up, Tim Hortons? Why are you doing this? Do you think queers don't drink coffee, or that homophobes are better for business?

You can read more about it at change.org

Make sure you sign the petition.

EDIT: Tim Hortons has withdrawn sponsorship and issued an apology

A Question of Gender

2009-08-03T13:28:00.003-04:00

Posted by request, as the current issue of UpFront Magazine, containing Veronica's Closet, is unavailable online. The following is an excerpt from the July edition of Veronica's Closet:

I recently watched a documentary called "Trantasia". It's the story of the world's first "most beautiful transsexual" pageant, complete with the bios and life stories of the contestants. I was very happy to see that a documentary on transwomen existed that portrayed them in a positive, non-pornographic light. Fighting transphobia and raising awareness about trans rights is one of my pet issues, but it hasn't always been. Years ago I used to attend a LGBT youth support and discussion group with one of my best friends, who is a lesbian. This is where both of us had our first encounter with a transwoman. My friend, who is still one of my best friends to this day, reminded me of this while we were watching Trantasia. The first transperson whom I had ever met left a bad taste in my mouth. She seemed to have the attitude that if she wasn't a bitch to everyone she wasn't going to get through life. It truly makes me sad that she felt this way, but I can't blame her. Because of her negativity, most of the rest of the group of queer youths would call her names behind her back. This negative first impression left me with a bad attitude towards transpeople. It took a few years for me to pull my head out of my ass and get over it, but now I'm very happy to be able to call myself a trans ally and count a few transpeople as my friends. I was pleased to see a question in my inbox this month that fit right into the issue of transphobia, I hope I've been able to help with my response.

What's the right way to refer to someone who has had a sex change or even someone who is pre-op. He, She, He-she?

This question makes me both happy and sad - happy that you've thought to ask, but sad, as it's a reminder of how many people are ignorant of transpeople and treat them as lesser beings. Etiquette within and between various alternative communities is very important and often overlooked by the average and vanilla. "Trans" is a very broad term, used to define people who are transitioning from one gender to another, have transitioned, living in the androgynous middle and everything in between. Although the polite thing to do when you're unsure of someone's gender status is to ask what pronoun they prefer, please take into consideration whether it's any of your business. Do you have a professional relationship? Are they a stranger? Is this person's gender status going to have any effect on your relationship with them? Then no, it's none of your business - don't ask! If you must refer to them in third person use "they", "them" or their name. Is it a close friend who's making a major lifestyle change? Are they a friend or family member's new lover? Is it someone who you are interested in becoming friends with? Then by all means, ask them if the information is not readily offered. Asking will not only show that you care, but that you are accepting of a lifestyle that is heavily misunderstood and disrespected. You will likely be asked to use "he" or "she" but some people prefer gender neutral pronouns like "ze". Another situation where the issue of pronouns may arise is with drag queens and cross dressers. Men, gay or straight, who live as men but moonlight as women (either as performers, fetishists or simply out of curiosity) are not transpeople. Same as women who live as females but dress up like men; However, when a crossdresser is in character - more often than not, they would prefer to be referred to as however they are portraying themselves. ie: a man wearing lipstick and a dress would probably prefer to be called she, and a woman wearing a pants suit and moustache would probably like to be called he. One last thing - You may need to know someone's gender status so you know how to address them, but their sexual orientation is none of your business - and that goes for everyone.

Sex Toys are so Metal

2009-07-03T12:04:00.004-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts this past year or so, I've been extremely busy between Rockalily, Upfront, YWTF and all the other little projects. The 2nd annual No Pants Dance Party was a success! Thanks to Hush Money and The New Impressions of 2 FANS for warming up the crowd. We raised almost $100 for each the AIDS Committee of Ottawa and the Ottawa Humane Society! Thanks for all your support, Ottawa! And a super-big thanks to everyone who comes in from out of town to see our shows. Rockalily loves you all!

Today I thought of a tidbit about metal toys that I thought I should pass on.

Although they are a little pricey, steel, aluminum and titanium sex toys make a great addition to your naughty drawer. Like glass toys they are non-porous, easy to clean and can easily be heated or cooled to your liking. Unlike glass, they are unbreakable!

Titanium is going to be the most expensive, but is the lightest of the three metals.

Aluminum is your middle ground. A good metal, not too heavy but enough weight that you feel it.

Steel is very heavy - of the three metals most commonly used in sex toys this is the one that is most likely to cause damage. Extra care should be taken when using steel toys, especially butt plugs, as the weight is being held by your sphincter - something you do NOT want to damage.

Just something to keep in mind when shopping for metal toys!

Sometimes I write just for the hell of it.

2009-05-30T03:34:00.001-04:00

Atop the fence she sat; A temporary feeling of invincibility running through her veins. The outdoor speakers from the dive bar blasting a familiar song. She takes a draw off of her cigarette in between breathlessly muttered lyrics. A quick scan of her surroundings brought her to the realization that she was not the only one singing along under her breath. Is this what they call a "moment"?

She considered throwing herself backwards off of the fence. Just high enough to hurt, not high enough to injure. Maybe her skull would crack if she pushed off with enough force. Maybe they would need to call an ambulance. Maybe someone would notice her, for once.

"I feel so alone right now" She thought to herself, snapping out of whatever daze she was in.

Her friends, assuming she could call them that, were still singing along to the soundtrack of the night. A cold tear streamed down her cheek, or was it raining? She couldn't tell sometimes. One of her friends offered to fill her glass back up.

Countless beers and innumerable morbid thoughts later she decided it best to leave her car in the parking lot and stay the night at a friend's place down the street.

A group of them arrived in the shared townhouse. The one with red walls that extracted the deepest, darkest feelings out of those who stood between them.

It was raining again, inside, selectively located on her face. Or was she crying? Upset about what was being left behind. Damn those red walls.

Everyone else had retired to bed, to fuck their lover, to sleep the drunk off, to create something beautiful that may never be understood; Everyone except him. He sat with her while she cried, he held her and told her she was beautiful. He asked her to get another beer out of the fridge for them to share.

While reaching in to the fridge he crept up from behind and pulled her panties down from underneath her dress. The blue and red panties that were her favourite. The ones that, up until this night, she had considered lucky.

It's okay, she thought. They were friends, he was drunk. "It's okay", she told herself over and over again.

Maybe someday she'll convince herself.

Masturbation Gone Green!

2009-05-05T00:47:00.003-04:00

Finalement!

We have recycling programs for grocery bags, batteries, paint, cell phones and most anything imaginable. With a little motivation one can find recycling depots for just about everything... but what to do with those old sex toys?

Now there's a recycling program for those too! Simply ship your toys to:

Dreamscapes Recycling Program
5450 Bruce B Downs Blvd #366
Wesley Chapel, FL 33544

Once received, your no longer loved toys are dismantled and it's parts are sent to the appropriate recycling plants. They even recycle batteries!

Include your email address with your package to receive a $10 gift card for one of Dreamscape's affiliate retailers.

For complete info, please visit Dreamspaces Recycling Program's website

They say that the colour green makes you horny... could "going green" have the same effect?

Female Sex Survey

2009-04-28T12:46:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else get offended when they read statistics about what women want in bed or how they view sex?

The Ottawa Sun is running a week-long special series looking into the sex lives of women and if Monday's article was any indication the entire series is going to be biased, vanilla and heavily edited to exclude anything actually worth reading.

The aggregate data in their statistic charts shows that the largest percentage of women interviewed stated "I don't know" or refused to answer the questions asked. Not all women are comfortable discussing their sex lives with a market research agency. In fact, most aren't. I make my living talking about sex and I still don't think I'd feel comfortable discussing the intricacies of my sex life with a stranger.

Nowhere does it state the age demographic targeted. It's really easy to skew data polls by making the informed decision to exclude or focus more strongly on certain age groups.

We're supposed to trust this data as an accurate and innovative new view on the sex lives of hetero females? I don't think so.

Why can't we have proper representation in the media when it comes to sex? Women seem to be portrayed as either promiscuous and liberal (ie. Sex and the City) or prudish and indecisive (ie. The Ottawa Sun's current week-long series on women and sex).

Sure, there are extremes, but what about those of us in the middle? I truly believe that in a more comfortable setting many of the women who said they "with their partner would be better skilled" would admit things more along the lines of "I wish he'd let me peg him" or "My favorite position? facefucking." Enjoying a little deviancy does not make you slut or a heathen. By refusing to even acknowledge any sexually deviant or homosexual activity in their articles on the sex lives of women the Ottawa Sun is perpetuating the shame and negativity that so many women feel about their sexual preferences.

Just because you read it in the newspaper, or magazine, or my blog, DOES NOT MAKE IT CONCRETE.

Everyone is different and everyone deserves to be embraced for who they are, not overlooked or shamed for straying from "the norm".

Sorry to be so editorial, but I get very angry when a journalist decides that it's a good idea for them to write about sex. They almost always say something offensive or misogynistic and they often come across as uninformed. Do your research. I've spend years studying sex, sexuality, health, BDSM lifestyles and the psychology of sexuality and I wouldn't dare try to write an article on the definitive sexual desires of women. I wonder what the writer of this article's credentials are? J-school?

Got beef with the portrayal of women's sexuality in the media? Leave a rant in the comments or send your own editorial to the Ottawa Sun via ottsun.feedback@sunmedia.com .

This Saturday at Babylon: ONE NIGHT STAND

2009-03-04T02:40:00.001-05:00

March 7th, 2009: One Night Stand, Rockalily Burlesque's second headlining show will be rocking Babylon Nightclub like only Rockalily can.

This time we've got special musical guests, Ninety Pounds of Ugly and DJ Eric Roberts.
over a dozen local artists and artisans will be exhibiting and selling their works while artists from Pirate City show off their skills with a tattoo machine on some human canvas. To top it all off we've got door prizes from our sponsors and a raffle to benefit the Ottawa SPCA featuring several luxurious prizes!

Don't miss out! Advance Tickets are $12 at both Compact Music locations, all 3 Classixxx locations, End Hits and Pirate City. Cover is $15 at the door.

See you there!

Dave sent me this.

2009-02-18T01:43:00.000-05:00

Tragedy for Local Sex Shoppe Owner

2009-02-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

Around 3am on February 6th the strip mall next to the Brittania Pub, on Richmond road was set ablaze. The strip mall was gutted by fire. Included in the wreckage was locally owned and operated, Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium.

Two local residents have been charged with 5 counts of arson in relation to the Richmond Road fire that destroyed 4 other business as well as WW.

Wanda, the proprietor of Wicked Wanda's, was in London, Ontario at the time of the fire performing with the London edition of Sexapalooza. Wicked Wanda's Adult Emporium was a labour of love. Wanda thrived on educating the public on sexuality and offers workshops on various types of BDSM play and body discovery.

An Unofficial statement from a WW employee say "We will regroup and rebuild".

A fund has been started to help Wanda get back on her feet while the insurance dicks take their time figuring out how little they can pay out. If you are interested in donating please email me and I will put you in contact with the person in charge of raising money.

I wish Wanda nothing but the best and hope that she and her employees/friends (sometimes that line blurs) are all back on their feet really soon.

I know what it's like to have your world turned upside-down by a fire. On December 23rd '08 the apartment above mine was destroyed by a fire. The structure of my apartment was destroyed by flood and smoke. Luckily the contents were unharmed. I was displaced for 5 weeks, with no insurance and no proper compensation from the company I rent from. Not to mention the busses were not running! Renovations were finally fully completed last week and we're still unpacking and reorganizing.

My situation sucked more than I can express in words... I can only imagine how all the business owners who lost their stores in the Feb 6th fire feel.

My heart goes out to them.

(photo from Ottawa Citizen)

As if this needs my help...

2009-01-15T00:47:00.000-05:00

Sexapalooza is this weekend at Lansdowne Park.

Despite what some people are saying, it's more than just a giant temporary mall of sexy retailers. There will be periodic stage shows throughout the weekend (Rockalily is part of this year's entertainment), a dungeon for you to learn all about BDSM the fun way, workshops and info sessions, a bar and some sexy greeters. Um.. did I mention the bar?

I'll be there the whole weekend, working in some capacity. Sometimes, for me, working includes gin and tonic; don't let a drink in my hand fool you, I am hard at work!

Anyway, this is a good chance to see a show, get spanked and take advantage of some trade show deals on toys and lingerie.

Sexapalooza Official Website

I'm not sure if you noticed; I'm famous!

2009-01-09T10:44:00.000-05:00

It hasn't been posted online yet; The new issue of Algonquin College's GLUE Magazine came out yesterday. The feature article is on Rockalily! There's a full page photo of yours truly with 3 of the performers and an adjacent full page article.

GLUE is available on campus at Algonquin.

Vicki Lawsuit

2008-12-27T17:32:00.000-05:00

Ottawa drag Star, Vicki Lawsuit, passed away from cancer last week at age 40. There will be a party to celebrate Vicki's life at 9pm on Jan 2 at Edge Nightclub.

Please see the Ottawa Citizen Article.

Ickaprick and Ironpussy

2008-12-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

Have you seen this blog yet?

It's informative, engaging, comprehensive when it comes to local events and news and humorous at the right times.

It's written by 3 people who will always keep you up to date on sexual politics and local outreach work better than I will. I highly recommend that, if you subscribe to me, you subscribe to them as well.

Read Ickaprick and Ironpussy

We Must Increase Our Bust!

2008-12-17T14:12:00.001-05:00

Must we? I find the narrative in this video very offensive. It's not even ironically chauvinistic in a funny way... it's just plain offensive and misogynistic. It does, however, have scientific merit.

Here is a clip from Spike TV's Manswers on how beer could theoretically increase a woman's bust size.

RIP Bettie Page

2008-12-12T11:08:00.000-05:00

Classic American pinup icon, Bettie Page, died last night.
Rest in peace, Bettie.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20246352,00.html

Capitalism Triumphs Over Homophobia

2008-12-07T19:15:00.000-05:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

help support equal rights! see jointheimpact.com to learn more

My apologies

2008-12-07T12:47:00.000-05:00

I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but I seem to have lost the reviews of the Vibrating Egg and the O'my Clitorial pleasure gel.
Having reviewed the Kama Sutra massage oil myself, my co-tester and I didn't write an entire review.

I apologize for having misled you. I did find two of the reviews - so please read and enjoy!

While I'm talking in the first person, I just want to thank all my well wishers from the past week. INDECENT EXPOSURE was an amazing success and my birthday was pretty good too.

I love you, Ottawa. I love you for loving me.

xoxoxo

Full Toy Review: Pure Vibes Anal Plug

2008-12-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

Pure Vibes Vibrating Anal Plug, $19.95: A small silicone plug with 4 speeds of vibration. Controller is on a wire connected to plug and had button controls. Can be used by men or women either for masturbation or to add a little buzz to vaginal intercourse. Never take a toy from the butt and put it in the vag without a thorough cleaning. Never share your insertables with other people.

Reviewed by Emma and Dave, Roommates.

It has a nice soft feel and is very smooth to get in - very little warm up needed ( one finger only!) nice shape ,really comfortable once it was in the ass. The 1st setting kind of tickled the fourth setting was the best. The top wasnt quite large enough for the plug to stay in on its own so it had to be held in place. Dave could feel it when he was fucking my cunt and I dont think it really did anything for him (the vibrating that is). The vibrating sensation on its own didnt get me off that much and it definitely could have been larger! Overall I give it three hard clits out of five...Its not as good as a cock in the ass but great for solo fun when
you just need to put something up there!! - Emma

Buy this toy!

Full Toy Review: Screaming O

2008-12-07T12:06:00.000-05:00

Screaming O, $6.95: A disposable vibrating cock ring made of soft jelly. The vibrating part can be worn on the top of the shaft for clitoral stimulation during intercourse, on the bottom of the shaft to stimulate the testes of the wearer, or the perineum of the partner during man-on-man love. Vibrations last approximately 40 minutes. Never wear a cock ring for longer than 20 minutes.

Reviewed by Carly and Ian, dating.

The first disappointment with this product occurred before it was even out of the package.. in fact, getting it out of the package was the problem. Luckily, there happened to be some sharp things just laying about that we utilized to open the offending wrapping. Things didn't improve much after that. I found the vibration of the ring actually diminished the stimulation I normally experience while being intimate with my partner. Basically, everything was overwhelmed by a boring buzz. I did end up acheiving climax. However, I did not orgasm any more than I normally do without using any toys. In fact, I may have orgasmed less. Let me reiterate... Bouurns! My partner also found this product to be lack lustre. He didn't find that it provided any additional pleasure. We tried 3 different positions: missionary, woman on top, and doggie style. For the last position mentioned, we turned the ring so that the vibrator was underneath the penis, in order to stimulate both the clitoris and the scrotum. Still, not particularly fun. One good thing he mentioned about it was that, unlike the similar products he had tried in the past, the 'screaming-O' has balls around the ring which actually make the vibration... well, noticable for the man.

Ultimately, we would not buy this product again. We won't even be using the one we have for a second time. Final verdict... Screaming NO. - Carly

Buy this toy!

Boner Pills: A Warning.

2008-12-06T23:30:00.000-05:00

There are various erectile enhancement pills available over the counter in Canada. Almost all of them are sold for a period of time before they are pulled from the shelves for one reason or another. I've been in a position to monitor the sales and prohibitions of these products for about 2 and a half years and I've seen numerous brands launched, banned, rebranded with a slight change in formula and remarketed. Repeat. These pills are usually made up mostly of herbs and spices that are reputed as aphrodisiacs with a few benign substances and a dash of dangerous and often uncontrolled chemicals thrown in. They're not without side effects, the most common reported side effects being light sensitivity and headache but in most cases these pills do work to enhance male performance.

Sexual enhancement products, which I like to call "Boner Pills" are uncontrolled and often unauthorized for sale. The fall into a loophole within the customs laws and are imported and sold until Health Canada gets a proper chance to scrutinize them. Most of these pills are recalled and banned once Health Canada is done with them.

A his and hers brand called Eros was launched for sale in Ottawa in the past 12 months. The "Hers" pill is called Eros Desire and the "his" pill is called Eros Fire. Most recently, Health Canada has released a warning against the use of Eros Fire and has begun removing it from the Canadian market. Please do not use Eros Fire or any other unregulated sexual enhancement.

Controlled male enhancement pills, such as Viagra or Cialis can be prescribed by your physician. If your physician feels that you would experience more detriment than benefit from prescription sexual enhancement pills then you should definitely not being taking uncontrolled OTC drugs.

The release from Health Canada regarding Eros Fire can be found on the Health Canada website.

AFS Pornstar Ball / Breathless' 3rd Annual Fetish Ball / Rockalily presents INDECENT EXPOSURE

2008-11-15T17:04:00.000-05:00

This November is an exxxciting month for sexy parties! It all kicks off Nov 20th at the Nuden with AFS' 5th Annual Pornstar Ball, hosted by the one and only RON JEREMY! Tickets are available at the Adult Fun Superstore for 25$ or 30$ at the door the day of. Doors are at 9pm

On the 21t dress in your kinky best and play/dance the night away at Capital Music Hall for the 3rd Annual Breathless Ottawa Fetish and Masquerade Ball. The fetish ball boasts of a huge dance floor, a dungeon with 3 play stations and entertainment from fireplay expert, Lord Omy, Contortionist Priestess Anness, Fashion Show by Robin Shameless, Shadow Dancing by Rockalily Burlesque and Bondage/rope art by Rush X. Tickets are 20$ advance, available at Venus Envy, all Classixxx locations and Breathless. Decide you want to come at the last minute? Admission at the door is 25$ The fun starts at 8pm.

November 30th Babylon Nightclub and Rockalily Productions present: INDECENT EXPOSURE, a night of burlesque and sexual satire. INDECENT EXPOSURE is a 2 hour show of burlesque, striptease, comedy and dance performances by members of Rockalily Burlesque and the Sexual Overtones. Doors are at 8pm and cover is 5$

Commentary on the passing of Proposition 8 in California

2008-11-15T12:17:00.000-05:00

Applause!

2008-10-29T21:32:00.001-04:00

I hate to be the one to inform you of this, but it's something that we need to talk about. Chlamydia is going around Ottawa right now like doobies at a frat party. I first heard about it a few weeks back; the word was that there's a Chlamydia "epidemic" within local high schools. It's not just high school kids who are getting it. More and more people are coming down with the clap and it's just going to keep spreading until we step up, individually and take action. Here's what you need to do: Go to your family doctor and get tested. If you don't have a family doctor, go to one of the numerous free (often anonymous) clinics around the city.

If your test results come back positive you'll need to contact everyone you've had sex with (protected or not) within the past 3 months and abstain from sexual activity for the duration of treatment and at least one week afterwards.
The treatment for Chlamydia is simply 4 antibiotic pills and is available for free through many of Ottawa's sexual health clinics.

Are you at risk? Chances are that you are.

Have you had sex in the past 3 months, or has it been more than four months since your last STD test?
Was it unprotected?
Have you had more than one partner in this time?

If you said 'yes' to any of the above, please be responsible and go get tested.
STI's and STD's don't discriminate. Any sexually active person can be at risk regardless of race, age or sexual orientation.

Play safe, sexy people. Always use protection.

For more information on sexually transmitted infections and diseases and to find a clinic close to you please see the Planned Parenthood website or inSpot (available in Ottawa thanks to Public Health and the ACO)

Another service that inSpot offers is an anonymous email service. You can inform your past and current partners about their exposure to an STI/STD through the website without revealing your identity.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

2008-10-21T11:40:00.000-04:00

After going to see a sneak preview of Zack and Miri Make a Porno last night I thought that it was only fair that I put up a little bit of a review. Now, I'm no movie critic - but I like what I like, and I liked this movie. Like most View Askew productions, it's heavy on dialogue and quite humorous. The first half of the movie is a string of mildly intelligent jokes that may not be relevant in 10 years, but will nonetheless have you on the verge of peeing your pants. The entire plot progresses smoothly, but becomes predictable at the climax. The movie's climax is obvious, as it's the point in the movie when the female lead climaxes. The denouement is sappy but heartwarming while the ending leaves you with warm fuzzies and a few belly laughs. As a whole, Zack and Miri Make a Porno is endearing, heartwarming and effing hilarious; Definitely a great date movie. I give it 2 boners up!

Get Kinky This Saturday

2008-10-16T22:15:00.000-04:00

This Saturday is high time in Ottawa for fetish and BDSM enthusiasts!

Breathless is hosting a workshop entitled "Erotic Massage and Full Body Worship" to be presented by Priestess Anness. The workshop will focus on "over-stimulation", using your full body to stimulate one's full body, group massage and many other forms of play.
The workshop runs from 7-9 pm and costs 15$ (10$ for members of Breathless)

Starting at 9pm at The New Bayou is Metal, Mayhem and Madness: a fetish masquerade. MM&M promises to be a night of naughty fantasy. There will be a spanking booth, play piercing, body painting, and performances by Soul Bomb and Rockalily Burlesque. This is a pansexual party in a discrimination free environment. Tickets are 20$ at Silverline Tattoo, Pirate City Tattoo, Classixxx on Carling Ave and Venus Envy. Tickets must be purchased ahead of time. 19+ w/ID required.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE

2008-09-16T19:24:00.001-04:00

There's a new advocacy group in town, POWER. This Thursday, September 18th, POWER is making it's debut.

POWER (Prostitutes of Ottawa-Gatineau Work Educate & Resist) was founded in February 2008 with the intent of making the city safer for sex workers. Membership is open to people of all genders who identify as a current or former sex-worker.

POWER believes that sex work is honorable and valuable and that sex workers are entitled to the same human rights and labour rights as any other Canadian worker. POWER vows to fight for sex worker's rights and work towards ending the violence against and stigmatization of sex workers by fighting to change discriminatory laws that create danger for sex workers and communities.

POWER plan to launch their group with a bang Sept 18 at 5:00pm with a rally on Parliament Hill, in front of the Centennial Flame. The rally is entitled "Indecent Sex Acts on Parliament Hill" and is to protest and denounce legislative acts that criminalize sex work. Immediately following the rally is a "coming out" party at The Lookout Bar, starting at 6pm.

The party is to celebrate former and current sex workers of all varieties and their friends and allies. Come out and show your support!!!

For more information on POWER visit their facebook group.

Fuck Subjectivity. Beauty is Beauty.

2008-09-08T15:27:00.000-04:00

The other night I had the pleasure of attending the housewarming party of a friend and former neighbour of mine. The small gathering was ripe with familiar faces and friendly new ones. A good number of guests there were 20-something women, almost all of whom are involved in the DIY/art scene. I suppose this is how the context of homemade corsets came up. The host retrieved one of her older creations to show us and somehow this led to talk of sizing and offering clothes to be borrowed. One of the ladies said "No, that won't fit me. I wear a size 12!" to which she was replied "So do I, it'll fit". "But you're a small 12, I'm a big 12". The subject was changed shortly thereafter but it stuck in my mind. I thought back on all of the self deprecating comments I've heard these beautiful women make about themselves over the evening and over the term of our acquaintanceship or friendship.

A few glasses of wine and a glass of scotch later it had slipped my mind and it was time for some of us to mosey on to another party. The next party was very different. The first thing I saw when I walked in was an unnamed male friend of mine dancing around naked... that's a story for another day.

While at this party another female acquaintance of mine confided that she's got body issues and is trying to get over them. I told her that I understand and assured her that she's beautiful. I hate to admit it but when other women I know display their confidence issues I try even harder to hide mine. I think part of it really is to convince myself; if someone else can't see my acceptance of physical flaws then maybe they won't notice that I have them at all.

This mindset lasted me until the wee hours of the morning when I was "hooking up" with a male friend of mine whom I'd ran in to at one of the parties. He suggested that we watch porn. Usually, I am all over that sort of suggestion. I love porn. But I said 'no'. When he asked why, I told him that I wasn't in the mood for porn. The truth was that I didn't want him to see those sexy and beautiful women on the tv screen and then look over, see me and realize just how poorly I measure up to the so-called ideal women in porn.

So here I am, thinking again, about this lasting issue. Women hating their own bodies.
You know what? I'm gorgeous. So are all of the women who I held company with over this past weekend. All the women who hate their thighs or bellies because they're "too fat". All the women who hate their hair because it's too curly or too straight. All the women who hate their noses, their lips, their feet, their bodies! Why must we hate ourselves so damn much?

Ladies, when I look at you I see a whole person. A BEAUTIFUL whole woman who deserves to know how wonderful they are.

You are beautiful.
I appreciate you for your intelligence, your talents, your strengths and weaknesses, your assets and your flaws. I appreciate your beautiful faces and beautiful bodies. And don't you DARE try to tell me that size 12 is fat.

Burlesque update!

2008-09-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

Rockalily, my burlesque troupe, recently got some great press in the Capital Xtra.

Check out the article ...here!

In other news we've been booked to perform at an upcoming fetish event. It's Oct 18th at The New Bayou. There are rumors abuzz about exactly who will be there and what will go down.

I am privy to some of the details, but I'll wait for the official press release before I get y'all too excited.

Stay sexy!!!

xoxoxo
Rawknee

Texas is About to Get a Lot Less Uptight

2008-08-27T00:06:00.000-04:00

I hope...

They FINALLY legalized sex toys.

Okay, it happened in February, just in time for Valentine's day.

I'm behind on the sexy news.

To sell or own sex toys is still illegal in Alabama, however.

Pride Weekend Photos

2008-08-25T22:59:00.000-04:00

Some of the ladies from Sisterhood Watch and I got real shitty at Get Real Queer on Friday night. Some of us took Saturday to recover, a few of us, whom I feel so sorry for, had to go to work. In any case, we were all awake and excited Sunday morning. We busted out our feminist colours and marched our hot asses in the pride parade.

They're saying this year's parade may have been the biggest Ottawa has ever seen.

WHOOP WHOOP!

Now, for the photos from Get Real Queer:

P.S. You can contact us (Sisterhood Watch) at our new email: sisterhoodwatch@gmail.com

Ottawa Leatherfest 2008

2008-08-21T13:19:00.000-04:00

Ottawa Leather Fest 2008 kicks off this year on Aug 22 at Arc. The Hotel, 140 Slater St.

Meet and greet starts at the hotel at 7:00pm and is followed by Leather History 101 seminar at 8:00, hosted by Mr. Marcus. A pansexual play party caps off the first night of Leatherfest, starting at 10:00pm.

At 12:00 noon on Saturday the 23rd there will be a vendor's fair and various seminars running until 5:00pm

Seminars include: Advanced Percussion, The Art of Erotic Whipping, Dynamics of a BDSM Scene, Mind Fucks, and Leather/BDSM Protocol.

Doors open at 7:30 for the Central Canada Olympus contest. The contest is open to both women and men with the winners getting an all-expenses-paid trip to compete in Chicago next year.

Leatherfest caps off Saturday night at 10:00pm with an I Like to Watch / I Like to Play play party, open to voyeurism as a method of participation. Expect to see scenes by Alex Wisniowski and Mistress Cyan.

A Guilty Pleasure

2008-08-19T23:20:00.001-04:00

I love boobs.

I love bad Euro-pop.

This video is a winner.

Quality vs. Quantity

2008-07-23T00:09:00.001-04:00

Is it better to have 5 minutes of really good sex or 2 hours of really bad sex?

This question arose recently and, having experienced both, I really can't decide.

There's more potential for short periods of good during marathon bad sex.

But 5 minutes of good is all good... just short and that can be changed with patience and effort.

What a conundrum!

Order Of Canada

2008-07-09T23:07:00.001-04:00

Two previous recipients of the Governor General's Award: The Order Of Canada have returned their awards in protest of Dr. Henry Morgantaler being given this prestigious award.

Dr. Morgantaler has been a life long advocate of woman's rights who is most notorious for his part in the legalizing of abortion which finally came about in 1988.

Dr. Morgantaler opened his first abortion clinic, illegally, in 1969 in Montreal. He even spent months in jail as a result of this.

This man devoted his life to legalize abortion and womens' right to choose. Because of him women all over Canada have the option to have a safe and legal abortion. The statistics of death an illness due to improperly performed abortion has decreased significantly thanks to this man.

This is why he was awarded the Order Of Canada last week. Since then, both a priest from BC as well as a worldwide Catholic Charity group founded in Renfew ON called Madonna House have returned their Order Of Canada medals to the Governor General.

The latter of the two has been staging a peaceful protest outside of the Governor General's Residence since this morning.

What I want to know is why we can't just live and let live?
Even if abortion was illegal people would still do it and the complications would be greater.
I would think that even to an anti-abortion lobbyist legal abortion would be the lesser of two evils.

I'm really losing patience with the ignorance of these right-wing sanctimonious Catholic conservatives.

I'm not going to protest the thousands of years of opression of women outside of your congregation. So why not quietly return the medal without the media stink?

By the way, it's extremely rude to return a gift to the person who gave it to you.

Accidents Happen

2008-07-02T02:00:00.000-04:00

I had a shitty Canada day.

At the end of it I get an online message followed by a phone call from one of my best friends.

She informed me that there had been an accident and one of our mutual friends drowned today.
His name was Pete and they were very close.
He and I were not. In all honesty.. there were times when I couldn't stand the guy, but I liked him.

The last time we saw eachother was on Saturday. A group of us were going to go to the beach, but it was raining. He offered me a cigarette. We all smoked and talked in the backyard of the home he shared with his sister and girlfriend. He told me that I looked very nice.

You hear about these things in the news; Strange recreational accidents, (ATV's, Bikes, Watercrafts) but you never think it will happen to you or someone you know.

Chances are that you'll be hearing about this accident on the radio for the next few days.

Rest in peace, Peter.
My memories of you will not be lost

Let this be a lesson. Wear a helmet/life jacket/protective gear suitable for whatever you're doing. It could save your life.

I am a little bit preoccupied right now and can't promise that I'll be finished the article on penis size before this weekend.
I'm going to have to see how this week pans out.
Obviously, I have other priorities at the moment and I do hope you understand.

Ottawa Police Mistreat and Disregard Rape Victim

2008-06-05T00:51:00.000-04:00

The incident occurred just over 5 years ago and the victim is still fighting for her rights to this day.

Ch-ch-ch-check Check it out.

2008-05-15T23:45:00.000-04:00

I have a friend.
His name is Jason.
You may have heard of him.
He entertains as "The Nads".
Like him or not, he's got some intelligent things to say.
http://jasonsetnyk.blogspot.com/
If enough of you go read his counter-cultural ramblings maybe he'll even update.

He and I have similar opinions - although I find it stresses me out to write about politics and current events; so I don't.

Sexual Assault

2008-05-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

As originally published in Upfront Magazine issue #20

The door of the industrial sized walk-in freezer closed behind his massive body, I was trapped between 3 walls of frozen food and him, blocking my only exit. He cornered me, started touching my nipples that were hard from the cold freezer air. "I just want a kiss. You're beautiful, please just a kiss" he said. I was 16 and scared. I may not have been a virgin but I was definitely a spring chicken. I had a friend with me. She was 20 at the time and while I was trapped in the freezer she was out in the back of the pizza shop with the other worker. I don't know what she was doing, I never asked. All I know is that she neglected my screams.
He was wearing his white cooks outfit and there was flour smudged on his cheek. While he rubbed his hands all over my unwilling body all I could think about was how unsanitary the food must be. By the time he had his tiny hard penis inside of my cold nubile body I was feigning enthusiasm. I figured that if he thought I liked it he wouldn't hurt me. I remember him laughing and saying "I finish" and finally letting me get to the door. I stole his pack of cigarettes while he wasn't looking as some sort of consolation and ran out of there, my friend behind me. I couldn't believe it; she was saying "Thank you"! I later learned that she had gained an 8ball out of what happened that evening, I never found out if I was part of that deal. It was a few years before I would admit to anyone that I had been raped that evening. Other local girls who knew the place had asked if the men tried to touch me. I admitted that much. It had turned out these men were reputed drug dealers operating out of a suburban pizza shop; they were known, at least by the local teenage girl populous, for molesting and raping underage girls who went in looking to score a bag of pot.
Knowing that I was not the only one, I decided that something must be done. I went to the local police station and reported that they touched me, that they touched other young girls and that they were selling drugs. I did not give the police my name, I was afraid of what would happen if my Catholic parents found out.
It was at least another 2 years before Castle Pizza, in Kanata, was shut down.

I wanted to credit that story as anonymous, but I didn't feel right doing so. It happened to me, Raw Knee, your protagonist (It's my column and I'm the protagonist if I say I am!). To say that ending sexual assault and violence against women are causes close to my heart is an understatement. I try to take every opportunity to advocate these causes. Please don't misunderstand the point. I don't want your pity. I want you to be aware that this happens here in our home town. Just because we don't hear about it doesn't mean that it doesn't occur! I want you to understand that being assaulted is not the end of the world. It takes time to heal and trust may not come as easily - but it can be overcome if you try! The resources available in Ottawa are abundant and comprehensive. If you or anyone you know has suffered sexual abuse please check out The Ottawa Rape Crisis Centre: www.orcc.net / 613-562-2333 and The Sexual Assault Support Centre of Ottawa: www.sascottawa.org / 613-234-2266 Or go straight to the police.

One of the best ways to decrease sexual assault is to raise awareness and dispel myths.

Fear of being deported and fear of the police often keep immigrant and refugee women from reporting domestic abuse.

Only 1 in 10 sexual assaults is reported to the police. Of those that are acquaintance rapes, only 1 in 100 is reported to the police.

98% of sexual attackers are men.

39% of convicted sexual offenders receive probation as their harshest sentence.

86% of runaway girls and 50% of runaway boys have experienced sexual abuse.

80% of First Nations women have been assaulted or abused.

89% of sexual assault victims/survivors have no visible physical injuries.

3% of reported sexual assault victims are men over 17.

Ottawa-Carleton has the highest rate of reported sexual offenses in the province, at 280 per 10,000 people.

Read that last one again. That's right... Ottawa-Carleton.

On August 31st 2007 a 23-year old woman was brutally raped in a [supposedly] secure Carleton University lab building. She suffered a broken jaw, dislocated shoulder and undeniably, emotional damage. This story made the news because of it's brutality but quickly slipped under the radar upon her recovery. It was reported that this young woman denied the rape; because her faith, Islam, does not differentiate rape from willing acts of pre/extramerital sex and are punished as the same when it comes time for judgement.
When the attack was denied the search for the perpetrator was halted. Even if found, the assailant would not be charged. This man is still roaming around (presumably in Ottawa) quite possibly ready to attack again.
Although I feel for the young woman, and understand that her strong faith is her priority; I can't stress enough the importance of reporting sexual assault.
The only way to put an end to sexual assault and violence against women is not to tolerate it. Violence against any human for any reason is intolerable. Being raped is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. Female OR male. Protect yourself, protect those around you, pledge never to willfully cause harm to others; And the biggest piece of unsolicited advice I will ever offer is this: If someone you know claims to have been sexually assaulted -Believe them! Take them seriously! Do not give them advice! Let them make their own decisions and support them in doing so. Your personal opinion is useless - they need someone to listen and be supportive, so shut your yap and hear them out.

"Never Gonna Drink Again"

2008-04-27T18:13:00.000-04:00

Last night my friend, Anglea, threw a housewarming party for herself. It was an all-around good time. Early in the party I ran into an acquaintance of mine named Ed. He snuck up behind me while I was having a cigarette next to the window and said "Hey, Sex Columnist!". I guess he forgot my name. He spent the rest of the night trying to engage other men in conversations that were probably pre-determined and rehearsed (by Ed) to make himself come across as superior and intelligent, and trying to impress each of the women with his intellect and confidence. The problem is: what he tries to exude as confidence just comes across conceit and a superiority complex. I'm not usually one to talk shit on the internet - but every time I run into this guy he either says something really offensive to me without realizing it or he tries way too hard to impress me. All I get from him is 'CONCEITED'. I had a feeling that his attempts to impress me, personally, are for the point of seeing his name in print. Last eve, at the party, upon my departure, he said something totally forgettable - I just remember him smirking and saying "Put that in your column", like he was so fucking clever. So here, Ed. I'm writing about you.

After Angela's party my new pal, Julie, and I managed to catch the last bus from (undisclosed area) to downtown. She stayed on the bus to go home and I got off at the end of my street. I made it 2 or 3 blocks before going into one of my regular watering holes for one last pint.

The bartender and the cocktail waitress are two people that I would consider very good friends of mine. I've been friends with the latter of the two since I was 15 and she was 16. I ended up drinking my pint (slowly) and watching the last of the patrons clear out. They locked the doors and we did a shooter and each had one more beer before heading back to my place where a bottle of wine, a bottle of Jack and endless porno awaited.

After a few shots of whiskey and a glass of wine, the Cocktail Waitress, who we'll call Betty, passed out in my bed; leaving Bartender, who we'll call Ralph, and I to chat and drink into the morning light. So that's what we did. Perhaps it was the booze, perhaps it was the relationship we've built with each other over the last year and a half, perhaps he just needed someone to talk to and I was the right person by profession; Ralph opened up to me and I got to discuss candidly how this particular divorced, male, 40-something, bartender feels about the opposite sex and his interactions with.

Ralph (obviously not his real name) kept giving me permission to write about our conversation. Unlike Ed (definitely his real name), Ralph isn't looking to see his name in print (or blog, as it is). Ralph is a good friend who enjoys my company and my writing. He's offering up his insights for my own gain - not his.

Ralph and I drank and talked until about 6:15 am. He wasn't looking for advice - just wanted to chat and I enjoyed myself
greatly. He seemed a little discontent. given the subject matter of the conversation, I would be too. I hope I cheered him up a bit, just by listening.

He did ask me one question though, just one. I'd like to share it.

Ralph: What can a man do to make a woman feel good?
Veronica: Aww, you know I can't tell you that for sure. Everyone's different. I know that every woman loves to be told that they are attractive. Just reassure her that she's beautiful and that you're lucky to have her.

I just love a man who is determined to make a lady feel good. Even as just a friend, I feel good around him.
Some guys just know how to treat a gal.

So needless to say, after last night, I'm a bit of a train wreck. I've been sleeping on and off all day, trying to rid myself of this "skull too small for my brain" feeling. I would hate for my entire day to be a writeoff - at least I can say I accomplished one blog entry.

I promise, no more personal stuff for at least another month ;-)

xoxo
Raw Knee

Beat Your Meat While We Beat The Heat

2008-04-22T12:52:00.000-04:00

It seems to me that every summer women around town can be seen in less and less clothing. It's only April and I've already seen a good number of leg-and-tit parades around Centretown. Hell, I'm even guilty of it! I've even seen pubescent (and often prepubescent) girls out in public with what little they have to show hanging out. Since the advent of "Girl Power" pop music and the over-sexed images that accompanied it in the mid 90's, scantily clad youngsters have been as common a sight as dandelions on a suburban lawn. Women of all ages are partaking in this strange summer ritual of aesthetic sluttery. The question is: Are we trying to beat the heat, or capitalizing on our sexuality, using it to gain attention and power?

We could attribute the steady decline in the amount of textiles required to bridge the gap between summer clothes and underwear to the fact that each summer gets hotter and hotter, but I think that would be little more than a scapegoat to avoid admitting that we women love attention.

Why are women so scantily clad? It would seem that the progression of feminism has taken a turn. I won't say a turn for the worse. The sexually exploitive woman is a relatively new idea. One that has not been perfected, but one that could be very progressive ix executed properly. My main worry is that young women are exploiting themselves (their sexuality, their body and their knowledge) with no particular goal other than to look as good as possible; to look better than the girl next to you.

What many modern women consider empowering is what our mothers and grandmothers fought to abolish. In recent history, stares and catcalls were considered oppressive. Now, they are not only welcome, but enticed. To be a woman lusted after is to be a women empowered.

Here's a question that needs answering: Have men come to expect this? Do the straight men of the world expect constant visual stimulation? Has it gotten to the point that sexual imagery is so abundant that an attractive young women will slip under the radar is she's not dressed to fuck at all times? Not being male, I can not definitively answer this - but I would absolutely love to discuss it further.

I'll be soliciting interviews with some young to middle aged men in the near future, as I am extremely curious as to where they stand on the matter of the less-is-more fashion trend. I'm also be very interested in the lesbian perspective. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you wish to contribute your opinion, debate the issue or even discredit what I've said.

Keep your eyes peeled for a follow-up article.

Yours in short-shorts and a tank top,
Raw Knee

Getting off on pain

2008-03-30T11:42:00.000-04:00

So, you want to beat up your partner?
Well, first you should probably make sure that this is an arousing sexual fantasy that you both share and not an urge derived from anger and spite.
If you're experiencing the latter: take a little bit of time apart or perhaps seek counseling. Spousal abuse is not only wrong, it could land you in jail.

BDSM; Bondage, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism, that is, entails so much more than the name denotes. Although slowly becoming more and more socially acceptable, BDSM is still often portrayed as little more than a bound and blindfolded man perversely enjoying gentle flogging and verbal abuse from a leggy woman clad in leather. Aspects such as sensory play/deprivation, animal play (most commonly puppy or pony), play piercing, role playing, tit torture and E-stim are often left in the shadows in favour of a more cliche image.

For Beginners, acts like sensory deprivation (being depraved of sight, smell, hearing, use of the mouth or a combination of), or E-stim (stimulation with shocks of electricity in varying degrees of intensity) are best left alone.
Everyone's seen the anecdotal blurbs in the back of newspapers and magazines about some poor man who accidentally suffocated himself while masturbating. These things happen, you can seriously hurt, or even kill, yourself or your partner if you don't know what you're doing.

Luckily, there are countless resources online and even in our fair city. From literature to discussion groups to demonstrations, it's all available. One just needs to look for it.

With a genuine interest and a little dedication anyone can become educated and ready to play in as much time as it takes to learn the meaning of "Safe, Sane and Consensual". It is absolutely imperative to understand and practice "SSC". Any and all participants in a BD/DS/DM scene are to be aware of the risks involved, of stable mind, not under the influence of any substances and fully consenting to the activities they are to partake in. A large component of SSC play is to have an established safe word. One that would not usually come up in play or sex. "Stop" or "no" are not good choices, as they are commonly spoken (or exclaimed) during [role] play. Words like "snuffolupogus" or "diaper bag" work well. They will undoubtedly catch the attention of the dominant partner and alert them to stop. Use of the safe word is crucial to ensure safe play especially with bondage, when circulation to extremities is threatened. If the submissive partner is gagged or otherwise unable to speak an unmistakable hand signal or body movement should be established to replace use of the safe word.

As the city's best advocate for safe, informed, play, Breathless has become a mainstay in the community. Established only in recent years by practicing fetishist and sexpert, Miss Jenn, for experienced members of the Ottawa BDSM/Fetish community to have a safe, private place to play, and for the general public to come and discuss topics of interest relating to sex, such as polyamory, bondage, discipline, bisexuality etc.

"We are a community center with plenty of public programming (discussion groups, workshops and other social opportunities)" Miss Jenn informs, "We are a kink friendly and sex positive space available to rent for private play, parties or other purposes"

"The 'exclusive' club is a portion of what we have available but it's not the only thing. Membership simply provides access to the opportunities to openly practice what's been talked about or demonstrated at the public events, and then some!" Says the the enthusiastic Miss Jenn. Membership with Breathless is not costly, but it's not easy to attain. One must prove themselves as genuinely interested in kink, sex positive and as an agreeable, friendly, open person due to the nature of some of the private events.

Breathless staff and members are passionate about and dedicated to dispelling misconceptions on BDSM and Fetish for the purposes of encouraging safer sex play in our homes and to help remove the stereotypes associated with being kinky. Miss Jenn and her wonderful associates have your health and your best interests at heart.
Nothing is taboo anymore, so don't be shy. ASK QUESTIONS. PLAY SAFE!

For further information and more comprehensive resources check out the book selections at www.venusenvy.ca and www.classixxx.com both stores operate out of Ottawa.
Be sure to visit www.breathlessottawa.com for the calendar of upcoming events and discussion groups. You may also find how to take steps towards becoming a member.

I'm still alive

2008-03-21T00:07:00.001-04:00

Raw Knee and JennStar get cozy
I won't lie, I just love this picture. She's got such pretty blue eyes!

I ended up writing something pretty heavy for the April edition of Veronica's Closet and it took a lot out of me.

I'll have a new, interesting entry for you dudes here soon.

In other news, my friend, Josh, started a new blog. He does lists of top 5's.

I love lists.

Check him out at In The Top 5

Reader Input Required

2008-03-06T21:15:00.000-05:00

I'm working on 2 possible articles for next month's Veronica's Closet. I'm either going with Rape and Sexual Assault or a more light-hearted article about losing one's virginity.

Anyone willing to share stories of rape or sexual assault with me can do so by emailing me at ask.raw.knee@gmail.com
Feel free to do so anonymously. It would be greatly appreciated.
I understand that this is a difficult subject to talk about. The only way to prevent it from happening to other people is to make them aware that this does happen here in our home town and that not only do the police have your back, there are many resources available for free counseling, therapy, educational material, self-defense classes etc. I've been through it myself (more than once) and if I do choose to go with the Rape/Sexual Assault angle I will be sharing one of my own stories, albeit I may decide to credit it "anonymous".

Alternatively, I'm seeking stories of amusing, interesting, entertaining and otherwise terrible cherry poppin' experiences.
How was your first time?
Let me know!

email me! You could get to see your name in print, or if you choose to remain anonymous, share your story - do Ottawa a favour: expose the reality of sexual assault / make us laugh with your lost virginity story.

XOXO
RawKnee

P.S. Ladies, if you've ever been wronged or hurt by someone I really am willing to listen. As I said, I've been there. I promise not to be preachy or offer advice unless asked to. Sometimes you just need to talk.

GLBT (So PC it hurts)

2008-03-01T16:41:00.000-05:00

It was once as simple as GLBT. Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered. Then a Q was added for queer and soon a second Q, for questioning. Last time I checked there were 3 T's. Transvestite, Transgendered/Transpeople and Two-spirited.

What do we have now? GLBTTTQQ. Seems a bit excessive. Is it not just as easy to say "Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transvestite, Transpeople, Two-spirited, Queer and Questioning"?

Maybe not, but I know that I have a hard time remembering how many T's and Q's are necessary to ensure that nobody is offended.

How about BDSM? Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission and SadoMasochism.
At least the kinky folk allow the D and the S to encompass 2 definitions.
Don't get me wrong, All you homosexuals, transpeople, two-spirited, genderqueer, bi-curious, heteroflexible etc etc etc. I love you! I accept you! We're all people, so can we stop the labeling?

Consider this my plea for "GLBTQ" to be all we need.

xoxo

Raw Knee

A Missing Piece

2008-02-23T12:45:00.001-05:00

This is my very own Vagina Monologue. It is an entirely true story from my own life. I hope you can get a laugh out of it and maybe even learn something. This is a story that I've been sitting on for some time. After seeing Ottawa's performance of The Vagina Monologues at the Bronson Centre last night, I feel like I need to share it.

I was 15 when we started dating. He was 17 and the first man I willingly had sex with. I didn't know it at the time, but we would go on to see each other on an off for 4 and a half years, finally parting ways permanently when I was 19. He was the one who I began learning about sex from. I wish I had known what a bad teacher he was, but when compared to my Catholic High School Phys-ed teacher, he seemed like a guru.

One day we were hanging out with another couple and we came across some graffiti of a naked lady. Now, don't picture a pinup girl. We're talking green spray paint, and only green spray paint. This green woman was comparable to a Ziggy cartoon character. The other 3 found this picture incredibly amusing. As elementary as it seemed, the artist, if you could call them that, had drawn a little bauble for a clitoris. I didn't understand. I had only ever heard the word "clitoris" before and I had never bothered to look it up. My confusion got the better of me - I had to ask. My boyfriend became extremely embarrassed. My own naivety showed that I was not the only one who didn't know where my clitoris was.

I had realized that there were many blanks left to fill from my so-called sex education. The Catholic School system had failed me miserably. (I was having uninformed, unprotected sex at age 15. The schools could have at least taught us about condoms. Sure, I knew they existed - but did I know how they work? No. And you can safely assume that my partners, as a young teenager, took advantage of my miseducation) I took it upon myself to read up on and experience everything I could so that I would know and understand what I was doing and what was being done to me. I explored partner sex to a degree that most people didn't even fathom of, but I never explored my vagina or masturbation.

Let's skip ahead to when I was 17. A close girl friend has become open about her masturbating habits. She gives herself amazing orgasms and she wants to share with me. Why? -Because I don't masturbate. I don't just say this out of shame. I still don't know where my clitoris is, rather, I'm convinced I don't have one. I still refuse to experiment with masturbation, although I had become a very liberal sexual being when it came to my partners.

It was during an impromptu orgy with some of my friends that I finally found my clit. It was not an amazing moment of clarity or realization; and it was not a surprise orgasm. No. I asked one of the other girls to look because I couldn't find it and I didn't think I had one. She was a stripper at a local bar and for some reason I thought that this made her a qualified candidate for clitoral spelunking. After about 3 or 4 minutes of her poking and prodding at my splayed vagina with her dangerous fake nails she found it. "Holy Shit!" She said "It's tiny! You almost don't have one." She showed me where my dwarf of a sex organ was. In time I began to hone a masturbating technique to coax orgasms out of myself.

This was not an overnight sensation. It took months and months. One day I finally bought a vibrator and I was hooked. I was a woman empowered, I no longer needed my "liberal" sexuality or even a partner at all.
The on/off boyfriend and I got back together again after several months separation. It had turned out in that time that someone else had taught him about clitoral stimulation. The sex between he and I was suddenly phenomenal, it was just too bad that by this point the only interest we had in one another was sexual. He and I don't speak anymore. My clit and I, however, are the best of friends. Last time I checked, the green lady was still where we left her, clitoris intact.

The Vagina Monologues will be performed again this evening at The Bronson Centre in honour of V day. All proceeds are going towards ending violence against women via the Sexual Assault Support Centre of Ottawa. This is a cause close to my heart. Please show your support! http://www.ottawavday.ca/

Bottom 10's: The Lost Categories

2008-02-20T18:15:00.000-05:00

The Worst Music To Have Playing During Sex
10. Majic 100 radio - Tristan
9. Big Shiny Tunes 6 - Tyler
8. Scottish Bagpipes - Bliss
7. Dolly Parton - Jeff L
6. Marilyn Manson - disposable teens - Roxy
5. Eiffel 65 - blue(dabadee) - James
4. I'm the only gay eskimo - Ellie
3. New Kids On The Block - Sharpe
2. Me singing while fucking her - Jeff W
1. CJOH News - Dano

The 10 worst pickup lines
10. Hey baby, does this cloth smell like chloroform to you? - Jeff W
9. If we were a couple of squirrels would you let me bust a nut in your hole? - Hayden
8. Wanna go halves on a baby? - Marie
7. Lick your finger, touch yourself, touch her and say "Hey baby, let's you and me go and get out of these wet clothes" (and it worked) - Jeff L
6. Yo, my friend wants your number - Kayla
5. Are you an angel? cuz i just got an erection! - James
4. I need the best hooker in town (said while stroking my arm)- Ellie
3. I forced an Irish accent and said "if you like bailey's, you need to try THIS irish cream" - Sharpe
2. How much does a polar bear weigh...? Enough to break the ice - Carly
1. I'd buy you a drink, but let's skip the foreplay. - Jenn

The 10 worst places to have sex (as experienced by UpFront readers)
10. The drivers seat of a Volkswagen Jetta - Ronnie
9. On a pool table at McClaren's (we were told to stop, so we moved to the bathroom) - Anne
8. In a sauna - Dave
7. On a bunch of rocks in a Kanata nature trail - Bruce
6. A stand up shower built for what seemed like half a person - Megan
5. In the butt - Michelle
4. In the unheated hallway of an abandonned motel in the middle of Saskatchewan in January - Ellie
3. On the hood of a muddy pickup truck in the dark in the forest. My feet were wet and muddy, and I almost ripped a wiper off; it was like a slip and slide! - Jenn T
2. The bathroom of a kids sports/lasertag place after hours. there was no where to do it but the cold, hard, dirty floor - Vicky
1. A Wheelbarrow - Roxy
Honourable mention: Public washrooms across Canada

Jeffree Star

2008-02-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

If anyone out there in internet land paid attention to my last installment of recommended fuck tunes you may notice a trend. I love synth and electronica and I'm just gonna keep forcing on you ;) A modern orgy just isn't right without industrial or synth punk blaring in the background, trust me. (Pretty coloured pillows and dirty mirrors help the ambiance too)

Jeffree Star is the newest music discovery of mine and I'm infatuated. He's a self-made, conceited, drag queen cewebrity and I love him! His look reminds me of David Bowie and his music makes me think of what a gay bar would be like if they played fewer techno remixes of The Villiage People and more original tunes . One of his lyrics is "Let me show you how it works. I like it hard." How hot is that? I know I'm wet. This guy is so fucking glam, he has envious pink hair and he rolls with Perez Hilton and Davey Havoc. How fabulous!

Jeffree Star isn't for everybody, but if you like to dance or fuck or get high or any combination of the aforementioned - prepare to indulge.

Check out Jeffree Star while I go change my panties.

Veronica Fever

2008-02-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

I'm only going to explain this once more.

My name is Veronica.
Raw Knee is a pseudonym. Back in the teenage years my peers often opted to call me "Ronnie". I never really liked it. At one point I said "If you're going to call me Ronnie you have to spell it like this: Raw Knee" It stuck (with most people).

I may be a fellatio aficionado, but I'm not a self-depreciating hoe-bag. If I ever have raw knees it's because I'm a klutz and I fall a lot, not because I'm constantly on my knees sucking cock.

Capiche?

You should listen to "Veronica Fever" by the Ravonettes. I kind of think it was written about me. (wishful delirious thinking).

The Brainstorm meeting for the March issue of UpFront is this afternoon. You can count on me to have absolutely no ideas nor creativity - but to pump out another informative column.
Due to space issues: the entirety of the "bottom 10's" didn't get printed. I'm considering posting the rejected categories here.
Yeah, I think I'll do that. Keep your eyes peeled. It'll probably be a couple of days.

Love,
Raw Knee

Written with heavy eyelids

2008-02-10T21:52:00.000-05:00

I've been working my ass off lately.
Some of you may already know that I've got a "regular" job, school, a writing gig and this blog on the side. I'd now like to announce another project I've been working on that's been draining me for the past month and a half: ROCKALLILLY BURLESQUE TROUPE

I'm 1/3 of the management team. I don't know if you out there in internetland, reading this, has ever started up a business or club or anything of the like, but I'm pretty sure it can kill you.

Don't get me wrong! I love the girls, I love the exposure, I love the mission! I fucking love what we're about and I couldn't be more proud to be a part of it. It's just that I'm burning out. You'll have to excuse the inevitably declining quality of my posts here until I'm back at 100%.

Now that you have a rough idea of just how hard I'm working on this burlesque troupe multiply it by 3. That's how much love and devotion is being put into this project - and that's only from the coordinaters. Think how hard the dancers are pushing themselves!

I've said too much!

Rockalilly will be announcing their debut show soon and I want all of you to bring your sexy asses there and show your support!!

Got it?

good.

Love,
Raw Knee

Bottom 10's; The full interviews: James

2008-02-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

RawKnee: Briefly describe the incident of your overall worst sexual experience.

James: While tightly bound to my girlfriends bed, she decided to give me a handjob while i was blindfolded. During such, i felt a slight sting, but thought nothing of it. one i finished, i heard her starting to scream. she pulled the blindfold off my eyes. apparently she wasnt paying too much attention since my dick was covered in blood and was bleeding profusely from the head.

RK: What is the worst music you've ever fucked to? (foreplay counts too)

J: sadly, eifel 65 - blue(dabadee)

RK: What's the worst / most shocking / rudest thing a partner did while you
were being intimate?

J: she picked her nose

RK: The lamest pickup line you've ever used or had used on you?

J: This wasn't used by, or on me, but you must praise robot chicken for this one: are you an angel? 'cause i just got an erection!

RK: Worst injury ever incurred during sexual activity.

J: Refer to my response to your first question.

RK: What's the most uncomfortable place you've ever had sex.

J: On a bathroom countertop, it was too small and started to creak excessively, as well i had to get onto my tippy toes! didnt work so well!!

RK: What's the worst location you've ever had sex.

J: In my girlfriends friends bed, with her 3 friends passed out drunk beside us, they woke up halfway through

Bottom 10's; The full interviews: Jessa

2008-02-03T18:57:00.000-05:00

RawKnee: Tell me about your worst sexual experience.

Jessa: Really hard to say, but I'll go with getting caught with my friend's boyfriend.
After making the horrible drunken mistake to sleep with my friend's boyfriend, we were found together in bed- by my friend, the next morning.
There was screaming and throwing household objects, attacking us etc.
(way more intense than the worst CHEATERS episode).
We eventually convinced her that we'd just passed out drunk beside eachother, (no sex). She was still really pissed so she left.
Couple hours later, this guy walks me to my bus stop, we kiss goodbye, (BIG MISTAKE), it just so fucking happens my friend was driving down that exact street, (not a busy street), at that exact time. I hear the schreech of her tires, a cardoor slam and there's my friend running tword me like the fucking terrminator, about to kill me. She didn't end up laying a finger on me, but she should have. That was bad.

RK: What's the worst thing someone ever did while you were being intimate?

J: It was Valentines Day. I was wearing the sexiest lingerie I'd ever seen and was just getting intimate with my boyfriend. He got really pissed at me, (aparently for touching myself), and threw me off of him. He was freaking out and we had a huge fight. Jerk.

RK: Worst Pick Up Line?

J: This guy told me he was in martial arts training.How it keeps him so buff and in shape. He could kick anyone's ass who messed with me. "Check this out!!!"
(He puts on Mortal Combat music...no lie...this was at a party)
music playing... he's bouncing around the room like an idiot throwing fists and kicking to the music til he's panting and red in the face. All the while yelling weird shit like Hi YAAA!!!! AGHHHH!!!!
Me and my best friend couldn't stop laughing. He eventually realized this, ( after 5 -7 minutes), and just stopped and went away all embarrased and pissed. poor guy.

RK: What was the wort injury you've ever had from sex?

J: This might not count so I'll give two.
I had sex with my friend who had a broken leg. Full leg cast. His bed was also broken in the middle so badly the bed looked like a V. It was hilarious.

My friend let me and this guy use her brother's room to shag one summer night : ) Her brother had a reallt childish small room and bed..
Anyway. We got carried away with things and the bed broke- violently. It was funny so we just got crazier and by the time we were done the closet door was broken down, the basketball hoop on the wall had been torn down, the night table was broken. The room was totaled. We were covered in bruises and scrapes the next morning..He probly shoulda had a concussion too. Good Times.

RK: What's the most uncomfortable place you've "done the deed"?

J: This one guy's car. Cars aren't that bad most the time but this one was sooooo small and he was soo tall. Every position killed one of us and at one point my foot kicked the radio or something and it turned on this ridiculous static/ mexican music...We couldn't turn it off cause our bodies were tangled like pretzels. It was hilarious but I just wanted it to end. That killed my knees, he said he was hurtin the next day too..(The things we do to ourselves for sex...)

RK: Finally, What's the worst overall location you've ever had sex in?

J: My boyfriend and I were on our way to a bar after leaving a fancy event when we got caught in the rain. We ran for shelter by an outdoor parkinglot.
We broke into a car and had sex in the backseat til the rain let up.

Bottom 10's; The full interviews: Jenn T

2008-02-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

RK: What is your overall worst sexual experience?

J: The worst sex I've ever had was a couple years ago. There was such anticipation and wanting it with this person for so long that when it finally happened, it didn't live up to the hype. The worst part? He thought it was awesome, so I had to fake my mutual enthusiasm.

RK: What's the worst music you've ever fucked to?

J: There is rarely music playing (too concentrated on the task to turn on a radio) but I guess hearing a song that generally makes me cry with memories kinda killed the mood.

RK: What's the worst thing you ever had a partner do while you were being intimate?

J: The rudest thing by far was when one of my partners assumed the backdoor was open (if you get me). I was shocked and appalled with the complete odacity of not asking (so I could vehemently say NO!).

RK: Worst Pick-up line?

J: "I'd buy you a drink, but let's skip the foreplay."

RK: Worst injury ever incurred during sexual activity?

J: Ha ha ha, I've never been injured but a few weeks ago, my bf and I were heading to bed and we both rolled towards each other for a goodnight kiss... we both went for upper position and I kneed him sqarely in the balls. Tell me about a mood ruiner!!

RK: What's the most uncomfortable place you've ever had sex?

J: On the hood of a muddy pickup truck in the dark in the forest. My feet were wet and muddy, and I almost ripped a wiper off; it was like a slip and slide!

RK: And the worst location?

J: Worst? Probably in the front seat of the car in a busy parking lot on St. Laruent.

Procon - the first installment of reccomended sex music

2008-01-29T20:45:00.000-05:00

Have you ever heard of ProCon? Probably not, but you should have.
They're one of the BEST electronic acts that Toronto is exporting nowadays.
I discovered them 2 summers ago at Montreal's Le Spectrum. They were opening for a big name in teenage goth electro music. I immediately ran to the merch booth and bought their CD 'cause I knew my life would not be complete without it.

How does this pertain to sex?

Count Feedbacks sexy beats with Countess Christsmasher's hot voice are, in my opinion, bona fide panty peelers.

Raw Knee's weekly reccomended fuck tunes: PROCON!

If you like it, buy their CD!

SUPPORT INDIE MUSIC!!!

The Blowjob Manifesto pt 3 - Regret, Stigma, Empowerment And Feminism Through Cock Sucking

2008-01-25T11:35:00.000-05:00

There are times, after performing fellatio, that a woman can feel like she's been subordinated or otherwise used and starts to feel shame. This does not always happen and it doesn't happen to everyone. When it does happen it could be immediately afterwards or even years afterwards.

The best way to avoid this feeling is to only go as far as you are comfortable with someone, although the regret feeling isn't always avoidable.

A year and some odd months ago, I dated a man for a brief period of time... less than 2 months

I was into him like white on rice, and he expressed that the feeling was mutual. The first (and only) time I ever gave him head I had him screaming in ecstasy. The man was screaming my name so loud that I'm sure all of downtown Ottawa heard it (bear in mind that my name is not actually Raw Knee). He always told me that I was the best he'd ever had at everything we ever did, but never with as much enthusiasm as he saved for that blowjob. He shot my ego through the roof.

As previously stated, this was a very short relationship, if you could even call it that. It also ended very abruptly and on bad terms. I spent months moping over it. During those months, and even now sometimes when I think about it I feel a tinge of regret and my self worth takes a temporary nose dive. I regret blowing him because he never treated me as well as I treated him.

I've found a way to counter this feeling, and it has everything to do with my key to avoiding it in the first place.

I sucked his dick because I WANTED TO.

I had the power in that situation. He didn't make me do it, I wanted to and I did a damn good job. The poor bastard will probably never be so lucky again. So why should I feel bad about it?

I was exerting my power as a woman. He's never going to forget me and he might even regret how he treated me in the end. So really, who should have the regrets?

If you ever get that post-fellatio feeling of regret just remember that you did it because you wanted to, that he's a damn lucky guy to have had you and that you can take away the privilege at any time.

Dressed for Sexcess

2008-01-22T19:58:00.000-05:00

When asked "What is Fetish Fashion?" Most people picture a stereotypical gay bear clad in leather, or a pierced and tattooed woman who's been gagged and hog tied. These types of 'fashion', still viewed as taboo, have not been fetishised by nearly as many people as certain types of fetish attire that's seen in every day life. A police officer probably does not think about how many panties he'll wet just by wearing his uniform when he dresses in the morning. Few women realize the fantasies they inspire when adorning their legs with pantyhose and feet with high heels. Any article of clothing (or inanimate object, or role to be played) can be and probably has been turned into the object of someone's sexual desire. Although many regular clothing styles and uniforms are commonly fetishised, they are not usually categorized as such because the reason they are worn is not to arouse sexual thoughts and behaviors. Fetishistic behavior was, up until recently, rarely spoken of and thus has very little recorded past, although there is an undoubtedly long history. Because of this, the origin of fetish fashion is nearly impossible to determine.

Many claim that the restrictive corsets and hobble skirts of the Victorian Era were humanity's first taste of fetish fashion. Both items have drifted in and out of popular style throughout the ages. The corset, a wedding staple and beloved item of BDSM practitioners, has only been adopted as both a kinky bondage item as well as an aesthetically pleasing outer garment, in the past 3 decades. Hobble skirts, named aptly for their strict hemline, cause the wearer to hobble or take tiny steps. They first appeared in the 1880's and have been resurrected as the 1950's pencil skirt and more recently as a popular style of wedding dress. The restrictive nature of the hobble skirt makes it an ideal bondage item.

It is also often speculated that the original fetish fashion statement was that of the post WWII biker subculture, who's leather and denim clothing didn't take long to be adopted by homosexuals. Leather and denim was worn by many gay men to affirm and proclaim their masculinity and toughness in a society where homosexual men were stereotyped as effeminate. By the 1960's leather culture was beginning to become popular in Britain by the hand of popular musicians such as The Who and The Rolling Stones. In the early 1970's the (still very underground at the time) BDSM community began to take on leather culture and fashion. To this day, leather is a major part of both the BDSM and Gay communities. "Mr Leather" competitions are held annually in many cities, including Ottawa, and draw in crowds of all kinds of people, from avid participants to curious voyeurs.

The most common reported fetish is, and has been for centuries, the foot/shoe fetish. Shoes in many different styles are available in an array of sizes for men and women of all foot-sizes to enjoy, relish and worship. Foot fetishism is more common in men than women. Practicing foot fetishists generally enjoy to lick, suck, be trod on by and humiliated with a pair of high heels worn by a woman. Some foot fetishists prefer to wear the shoes while others aren't even interested in shoes but just the feet. Arguably the most extreme of the fetish shoe is the pointe heel. Similar in design to ballet points but with spike heels to support the heel of the foot, alleviating the pressure on the toes ever so slightly. Pointe heels are usually ankle height but are available in the even more restrictive thigh-high.

Most current and typical fetish attire is not worn on a regular basis and is usually only seen in private clubs, bedrooms, fetish/BDSM events and ornate goth/metal/industrial music videos. The most common materials used in modern fetish clothing are leather, latex, pvc, spandex and fishnet. Common themes include everything from puppy or pony play to PVC versions of commonly fetishised uniforms to latex gowns and catsuits. Fetish Fashion accessories can range from cuffs and collars to thigh-high platform boots and gas masks. Canada is known for it's fetish and BDSM fashion thanks to Northbound Leather in Toronto and Polymorphe Latex in Montreal. Because of Ottawa's proximity to both Northbound and Polymorphe, and the number of local custom corsetiers, there is no lack of pret-a-porter (or pret-a-play, if you will) fashions here. Several events and exposes held throughout the year draw in vendors from all across Canada to share their [fetish] wares with the kinky side of ottawa. Fetish items from latex bodysuits and leather harnesses to silk corsets and fishnet stockings are available year round at specialty shops throughout the city. Seek and you shall find.

Photos by Raw Knee

Sexapalooza Ottawa 2008

2008-01-20T20:32:00.000-05:00

I got my ass kicked by this weekend's sex convention. Holy...Fucking...Shit.

Okay, I'll admit that I didn't attend friday night. I spent Friday night at an Aids Committee of Ottawa / In Spot / Disorganized event at Babylon. I tried to play it off as being a business thing, because of who it was put on by, but it was honestly just a drunken shitshow full of electronic music. I guess since I can't claim the cover charge as a business expense I don't mind admitting that the main reason I was there was to see Thunderheist. The secondary reason being to network with The Aids Committee of Ottawa and gather some information on In Spot. Unfortunately, by 2:00am I had damn near forgotten all about networking and stumbled out into the street piss drunk, with my friend Kayla, both of us laughing at me for pretending that I was there in the name of research.

I spent all day Saturday and all day Sunday at Sexapalooza. A good chunk of my time was taken up with demonstrating high end vibrators from Europe and Japan. One of the lines I was pushing is called Joy Division, which is ironically enough, German. They're fantastic vibrators. Hygienic silicone with 2 silent internal motors, ultra-flexible and come with a 5 year warranty. The only problem with the vibrator is that I can't imagine using it without a mental image of Ian Curtis hanging. Or worse, WWII concentration camps.

Sexapalooza was surprisingly well organized. Promotions for the show were left late, most of the vendors and demonstrators were expecting a disappointing turnout. To everyone's pleasant surprise, the venue reached capacity at least once each day. The chance Ottawa having of a bigger and better sex con next year is looking good.

Next time I'll bring business cards :)

A reader concern

2008-01-15T20:53:00.000-05:00

Hi, Paw Knee

I don't have a question so much as a comment. In your January response to a man who asked about non-exclusive relationships, I found your comment that "(most) women, by nature, want to be in exclusive partnerships…" rather offensive. I have an open mind about people's choices, and women, just as men, have the choice to engage in whatever relationship they want to, which includes nonexclusive relationships. I am wondering what is the natural and innate aversion women have towards an open relationship? I am a woman and I have yet to be handed a guide which tells me I want to be in an exclusive partnerships, or know my nature to be against nonexclusive relationships. I did enjoy the rest of your responses, but I'd appreciate some future care with the unsubstantial conclusions you make.
(Name withheld at my discretion)

(name withheld),
I am truly sorry to offend. I hope you understand that it is not my intent to do so and I very much appreciate your feedback.
I also keep an open mind about people's decisions, however, when asked such a generic question I have little choice but to answer based on the majority - and the fact is that women are psychologically predisposed to long for exculsivity within a partnership. I fully acknowledge that it is not always the case. Polyamory is a legitimate lifestyle choice, although uncommon, as are casual encounters and extensive casual relationships. What I've learned through studies, experience and social observation is that women prefer monogamy for a few key reasons, most notably: social conditioning. We are bred from birth (by various media outlets, religions and for many, our families) to believe that the proper adult relationship is a man and a woman together... generally for the purpose of procreation.
I don't really agree with it, although my opinion is not what matters. The matter is that I gave a generic response to a rather generically formulated question. If you have any more questions, corrections or comments please feel free to email me and I would be happy to consider the issue(s).

Keep reading and be safe!
Raw Knee

The Blowjob Manifesto pt 2 - etiquette

2008-01-15T20:37:00.000-05:00

Do's/Don'ts for Men

Do verbalize how much you're enjoying it

Do remind her how good she is at this

Do use positive and constructive vocabulary to guide her where you want her

Don't use her ears or hair as a handle unless you know she likes it. (Try it once, if you get a negative response - don't do it again)

Don't blow your load without warning

Do ask first if you can release in her mouth

Don't make your disappointment too obvious when she says 'no'.

Do say thank you, or express your appreciation in another way.

Do's/Don'ts for Women (or men who life to give head)

Do be aware of your teeth, try not to use them.

Do get messy, spit, slobber, the whole shabang.

Do try to deepthroat. Even if you gag a little, it's okay (so long as you can handle it) When you gag they think they're huge in the pants. It's like a synthetic boost of testosterone for the recipient.

Don't stick your finger up his ass without prior consent

Do be careful with the testes

Don't expect me to give away all my tips for free... sorry gals, this is all you get.

xoxoxoxo

RawKnee

The Blowjob Manifesto pt 1

2008-01-15T19:22:00.000-05:00

Never has another act of sexual expression caused me so much grief.

From the man who kept screwing around on his wife because the head was supposedly so good... to the man who refuses to acknowledge my carnal needs because I've withheld blowjob privileges from him....and everyone in between.

The blowjob is power. He wants it, and he can't do it himself. It's one of women's optimum manipulatory tools. If you want him to take you out for a nice evening on the town, chances are you'll get it if you properly allude to the possibility of a nice hummer at the end of the night.

One can also be more blunt, to quote a friend of mine "I'll give you the best head of your life if you just find it for me!" What she was looking for is none of your business, but you can trust me that it was worth having a mouth full of cock for 10 minutes.

I think a major problem is that, for some, the blowjob has become an expected aspect of most any sexual encounter. A blowjob is "just a blowjob" whereas sex is a big deal.

Bear in mind that this is my opinion. I happen to believe that a blowjob is a bigger deal than sex. It takes more work for the one performing the act, it's more intrusive and labour intensive than sex. There's a vulnerability and the acceptance of involved in performing fellatio. Nodoby has ever choked and died from getting ass fucked. comprende, senor? It's just plain intimate. (I also think that kissing is more intimate than sex. It takes little emotion to bend over and take it, but to kiss someone you have to face them... you can taste them.) I can only speak for myself here but there are some hoops you need to jump through before you can put yer dick in my mouth. (Aside from the odd drunken one-night-stand. Drunk Raw Knee is pretty skanky)

Hoop #1: Trust. You have to build up at least a little trust with me

Hoop #2: Make me feel special. Blowjobs feel REALLY good. I know this, and I'm not gonna make you feel good 'till you make me feel good. Whether it's emotional or physical, you have to prove that you're worth it.

Hoop#3: Don't ask for it and don't try to force it. Begging is okay, but only when I've told you to beg.

2008-01-15T18:55:00.001-05:00